Revisiting a Younger Me

In case you haven't guessed, I enjoy writing. That's part of the reason that I like blogging. There's just something priceless about putting words on the page to express my feelings and opinions about a myriad of subjects. Not all of my thoughts are intended or appropriate for public consumption though. There are times that I need to express my frustrations, deepest hopes, and greatest fears without inviting anyone else to read. That is the purpose of my personal journal.

I have kept journals -- or diaries, if you prefer -- off and on throughout my life. Journaling became a consistent part of my routine while nearing the end of my time at Pepperdine.  Lots of things were happening that put me into an uproar emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So I needed an outlet to express those thoughts without fear of offending people or getting myself into major trouble. My journal became the place to lay it all on the line without any self-editing.

Over the past week, I decided it was time to read those early journals for the first time in many, many years. It has been an eye-opening experience as I revisited the world that my 20-year-old self faced. Those were days of lots of drama and personal turmoil. I was struggling with my own identity as it related to my faith, my relationships with others, and my future as a musician. I had forgotten that there was a long period of time after completing my senior recital that I was convinced that I would never play the piano again because I had so many negative feelings attached to the experience of studying music. As I walk through those memories again, I am so thankful for the people who nurtured me and helped me realize that my negative feelings were not about the music, but about people with whom I was forced to interact. I have also been reminded of just how important my interactions with my current students are. I have found myself spending more time in prayer as I approach the beginning of a new year that the words I speak to my students will always be couched in sincere love for their well-being and their future endeavors.

Not all of my memories were bad. I found myself laughing frequently at my younger self. I loved looking back to a time when life was carefree. I shook my head as I lived again the emotional roller coaster of dealing with roommates and friends that didn't understand that I was right and they were wrong. I am amazed that I didn't get slapped a few times; years away from the situations quickly reveal just how wrong I really was. There were times I wanted to leap back in time and tell this naive Kennith that the issues that were causing me so much distress and heartache were really not that important in light of the big picture.

Occasionally, I found myself getting into a negative head space as I read my old journals. Insecurities and unresolved hurts reared their heads again and continued to torment me all these years later. Fortunately, I quickly realized what was happening and was able to clear my head -- as soon as I wrote about it in my current journal! Overall, it has been great to look back through the pages of my journals and reflect on how things were for me then. I just have to remind myself not to stay in the past.  My goal as I continue my personal journaling is that I will be able to LEARN from the past, LIVE in the present, and LOOK FORWARD to the future.

How Time Flies

I begin most mornings spending a few minutes with the TimeHop app. I enjoy looking over my posts on various social media sites and reflecting on things for a moment. Today's reflection centered on the past two years.

This time last year, I was in the early stage of my first semester at Wayland. What was my major struggle? I was dealing with self doubt as I fought my way through an open score. Now, there are days that I WISH an open score was my greatest challenge!

It doesn't seem possible that two years ago my family was dealing with the news that Dad would have triple bypass in the days ahead and the prognosis was not promising. It's tough to think about how much that one event colored my life for months as we went through the surgery, struggled with post-op complications, and started the uncertain journey to recovery at home. Now that Dad is living a normal life again, the memories seem so distant. Still, without a doubt, I know that 2014 was a year that forever changed me and my family.

Now I wonder what the future has in store. All I know for certain is that God will be there with me and will continue to prove Himself faithful in every circumstance.

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Graduation Memories

May was the month of graduations across the country. If you are like me, your Facebook feed has been filled with pictures of happy graduates at all levels of their academic careers. My family had a special graduation this year as Kristian, my middle niece, ended her high school career and is now looking forward to continuing her studies at Mississippi State in the fall. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend Kristian's graduation because my back was still a mess and I wasn't able to walk very far, much less sit in the stands for the ceremony's duration. Even though I couldn't be there in person, another graduation in the family caused me to think back on my own experiences with these important milestones in life.


My high school graduation was a small affair. I attended West Memphis Christian School for the last three years of my high school career. I transferred from the local public school because my parents felt I was receiving an inferior education and there were questions about my physical safety in the hostile environment. When I entered WMCS, most of the sophomores had been together since kindergarten; the others were friends through the congregation that sponsored the school. I really didn't feel that I fit in anywhere. Everyone was nice enough and I made some friends there, but I always had my eyes on the next step -- college! Since I wasn't involved in too many extra curricular activities (or at least, I didn't think I was doing that much), I had plenty of time to study and maintain my grades. By the time graduation rolled around, I was the salutatorian of the class and had to give a speech as part of the ceremonies. All that I remember about that speech is that it included a quote from the Gettysburg address; the speech was drafted, edited, and polished under the supervision of my history teacher.  After graduation, there wasn't a big party -- we were a Christian school, after all -- so I met a small group of classmates at the local Shoney's for a midnight meal together.


Five years later, I had a far different experience. I marched along with some of my best friends through the grass of Pepperdine's Alumni Park overlooking the Pacific Ocean. These had been the best years of my life and I certainly wasn't ready to leave. We had faced many challenges together -- fire, flood, earthquake, and the wind that was whipping across the park at that moment -- and had managed to survive together. What few others knew at that moment was that I wasn't receiving my degree that year. I still had to overcome my struggles with German and was in a battle with the music department that I wasn't sure exactly how it would turn out. (Long story short.....I failed my senior recital hearing because of repertoire that was too difficult for me and illness. Petitions to a department chair that hated me -- and who I personally didn't like very much either -- resulted in a stalemate that had escalated to the Offices of both the Provost and President. It wasn't a pretty time for me as a student or musician, but I was ultimately able to complete the recital the next year and finish the degree as the music department faced scrutiny from university administration.)


Graduate school brought totally different experiences. I didn't participate in graduation for my master's degree. I had just completed the required recital a few weeks before and was taking the compulsory exams to enter the DMA program the week before graduation. Walking in the ceremony just seemed anti-climatic to me, so I kept my focus on the big celebration that would come with the doctorate.


My final graduation took place on Saturday, May 9, 2009. It had already been an emotional weekend because my sister had left an abusive marriage the day before; she and her two children were with us as we nursed their physical and emotional scars. Following the graduation ceremony, I had responsibilities at my church job for the annual Ladies' Tea. While there were obviously other things on my mind, I knew that I wanted to focus on the hooding ceremony and celebrate my accomplishment that I thought would never actually happen. I walked into the FedEx Forum in Memphis with my mentor and sat in the front row of graduates. Somehow, things had worked out that I would be the first student to be hooded in the ceremony. My name was called and I confidently began my stroll to the stage. As I began to climb the short staircase to the platform, the toe of my shoe somehow got caught in the hem of my robe and I went DOWN! There's no other way to say it -- I was flat on my face in front of this enormous crowd. Thankfully, I wasn't injured. As I got up and made my way to the stage to get that blasted degree -- I had suffered enough with Queer Theory, my committee, and my dissertation! I was going to get that diploma if I had to CRAWL on stage -- the President, Shirley Raines, made a comment that the first step is always the most dangerous. My face is very close to the color of the pink hood in my graduation photos. One thing is certain though. That is a graduation experience I will never forget!

Clearing Out the Cobwebs

Now that things are slowing down, the season of spring cleaning is upon us. It's time to hit the closets and cupboards in search of hidden treasures that need to be brought into the light again. It's also time to move out the outdated and unneeded. Why do we go through this torturous process each year? Like nature, it's time to make way for newness in our lives.

Spring cleaning is also a mental exercise. It's a time of reflection over the past year, letting go of mistakes and failures while enjoying the memories of successes. It's a time to clear our thoughts of plans that never fully came to fruition. In the light of a new day, we get to decide whether the plans need to be fleshed out further to reappear later or if it is time to let go of them and allocate their precious mental space for new ideas and inspiration.

The entire process is a way of recovering from the past and preparing our hearts, minds, and spirits for the future. As we clear things out, we find that our energy is renewed. There is now space -- in the physical, mental, and spiritual realms -- for new ideas to flourish now that we have eliminated the clutter. In our new found clarity, we are able to truly experience rest.

I still need to do some spring cleaning in my living areas (a job that I completely detest), but I'm coming to the end of the mental and spiritual cleaning that needed to happen. How do I know? I'm finding myself beginning to find inspiration for new projects while experiencing the excitement that comes with them.

Reflecting on Year One

Today, I'm giving the last few final exams of my first year of teaching at WBU. It's been an adventure. I've learned a lot. I've made my share of mistakes, but also had a lot of successes. What kind of reflective learner would I be if I didn't pause at the end of this year and take a look back at what I've learned.

• I'm surrounded by awesome colleagues and students. I am reminded of this fact every day. Getting to spend time with these people and make music together is what makes going to work a pleasure most days. (Come on.....there are times we all do not want to crawl out of bed.)
• There's less collaborative work than I anticipated (and not as much as I'm used to). I knew this would be part of the change from adjunct to full-time faculty, but I really miss getting the opportunity to have so many interactions with students in private rehearsals as well as their lessons. I'm afraid this interaction will continue to decline in the future....and I'm really not excited for that at all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm wrong......
• Year One has been all about developing relationships and finding my place in the department. Being part of the faculty is about more than merely teaching assigned classes and performing with excellence. It's about connecting with other faculty members in meaningful ways and sharing ideas. It's about making yourself available to students -- in and out of the classroom -- so you have opportunity to pour Godly counsel into their lives as often as possible. I knew from the start I didn't just want to be a teacher that was out of touch. That's why my door is often open and why Thursday nights normally include a donut run. Since I'm finally in a faculty position, I want to be just as involved in the lives of my students as my professors were during my formative college years. (Thank you, Dr. Ferguson and Dr. Baird!)
• My schedule is extremely cyclical. There hasn't been much of a normal routine this year. Things tend to start with a bang of activity and then level off as classes get rolling. But watch out.....the craziness will return soon enough. Production week, other faculty travel schedules, and recruiting tours/events can make the schedule go from "nice and easy" to "insanely busy" in the blink of an eye. I'm just thankful that the insanity tends to be spaced out for the most part.
• At some point, colleagues forget that you're the newbie. In most ways, it's a wonderful event. There are those occasional moments when there is an event that you haven't done before -- and no one thought to give you the scoop. That's when "wingin' it" takes on a brand new meaning....and keeps the adventure fresh and exciting.
• All in all, Year One at WBU has just confirmed what I've already known. I'm now in the profession that I was designed for and I'm loving every minute of it!

Now.....it's time to finish up this semester and get a little rest over summer break!

Easter Memories

One of the many perks of working in a Christian university is enjoying a holiday weekend in celebration of Easter. I have lots of things I want to accomplish during this long weekend, but none is more important than pausing to reflect on Christ's sacrifice and victory -- and the life I now live because of it.

On this Good Friday morning, I find myself reflecting on a simple truth expressed by the apostle John as well as Christian songwriters Ronnie Hinson and Mike Payne.

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down His life for His friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you." (John 15:13-14, NASB)

He knew me, yet He loved me;
He whose glory makes the Heavens shine.
So unworthy of such mercy,
Yet when He was on the cross, I was on His mind. 

(When He Was on the Cross, 1984)

Have a blessed Easter, y'all!

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The Power of Persistence

Last night, I watched the Pioneers of WBU take on teams from Southwestern Assemblies of God University (SAGU) in basketball matches. The women's game was an absolute blowout! The men's game was a lesson in persistence.

The men's game was hard fought throughout. The Pioneers were down at the half and by the closing minutes of the game things didn't look good for the men of WBU. Nothing seemed to be going right for our team. Despite their best efforts, the ball simply would not fall through the hoop. Easy shots that I had watched them make with ease at other games were just not finding the net. The only thing I can say is that it just wasn't their night. Still, the men pressed on to make the best of a tough situation.

As the game was beginning to wind down, the pep band and I had a clear revelation that there was a good chance the game would not end in time for us to make our weekly trip to the Donut Shop before their 10pm closing. The band had to break down their set up...and there were only a few minutes left in the game....so I decided to leave early and make a dash to get our donuts for the night. (Hey! When there's a decision between watching the final minutes of a basketball game and getting yummy donuts, is there really a choice to be made? Really?)

When the music students entered the building after the game, I knew that something had happened. There was excitement in the air and the fans could hardly contain themselves. The students began to tell me that in the final minutes of the game -- just after I left -- the tide turned and WBU sent the game into overtime. The Pioneers continued to rely on the things they had practiced and invested so much time in....and things began to pay off! The victory was decisive and Wayland outscored the Lions of SAGU 108-90.

Those of you who know me well are asking yourselves by now why I am even talking about a basketball game. (My Pepperdine friends are probably surprised that I even understand the basics of the game!) Here's why I was so inspired by last night's performance. I'm sure it was tempting at times for the men's basketball team to just shake their heads in frustration and give up. It would have been easy to say that things just weren't going their way and they would save their energy for a later game where they might have a better chance of winning. But they didn't....they pushed through the difficulties and ended up achieving success.

Whatever our individual pursuits, we all face difficulties in accomplishing tasks from time to time. We simply cannot find the correct words to use for the report. A musical passage seems beyond our grasp no matter how often we repeat it. The mountain of paperwork on the desk never diminishes. Successfully accomplishing the task seems hopeless. The Pioneers' game reminds us that persistence pays off. When we continue to take the steps that we know are required, we make progress. The progress may be minuscule, but it's a step in the right direction. Hard work and patience -- the essential elements of persistence -- always pay off in the end.

The Apostle Paul says this of persistence:

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phillippians 3:12-14, NASB)

Whatever our task today, let's reach higher and faithfully persist. The task will ultimately be accomplished and we will see the reward of our hard work.

2015 - The Year in Review

It has become a tradition here at Livin' Life to close each year with a series of posts to explore what happened in the past year. I am late with these posts this year -- that seems to be appropriate for my 2015 -- so I'm providing abbreviated summaries of each area in a single post. Hopefully it will be interesting to some of you faithful readers.

Professional Life - 2015 began with the continuation of work at Mid-South Community College, Union University, and Bartlett Music Academy. My work situation changed drastically in July when I accepted my current position at Wayland Baptist University. It's been a busy year of teaching and performing. I appeared in 7 student recitals in 2015 as well as teaching class piano, my private students (BMA), and developing a music camp for young pianists. I was involved in productions of Into the Woods (Union) and The Mikado (WBU) and got to accompany Union's Men's Chorus and Symphonic Band as well as Wayland Singers. Did I mention that I also provided prelude music before former First Lady Laura Bush spoke at Convocation? All in all, it has been an exhilarating year musically.

Travel - Somehow I've managed to stay on the road this year. In addition to my regular trips to Lake Conroe, Texas and Malibu, 2015 allowed me the opportunity to visit Little Rock, Albuquerque, and Oklahoma City. Now that I'm living in west Texas, I've also enjoyed exploring Plainview, Lubbock, and Amarillo.

Resolutions Kept and Broken - I wish I had better results to report. I made 7 resolutions in January; only 2 of them were successfully met. I'm happy to say that I currently have a growing savings account (although it's not as robust as I would have liked) and I increased my personal reading by 2 books in 2015 -- finishing 23 books by the end of the year. What was left undone? I have not lost weight (and have gained several pounds in my new living situation). My listening project related to orchestral repertoire died quickly in the new year as did my attempt to read through the Bible in 2015. I didn't perform a solo recital, although I did perform on my studio recital and performed a mini-recital when auditioning at WBU. Finally, I did not become involved in a small group Bible study, but have found a support group in my church music department.

The Year in Blogging - I suppose no blogger is truly ever satisfied with the quality and consistency of their posts. Beginning the new job and settling in a new town put quite a damper on my posting. I'll just let the numbers speak for themselves:

• Livin' Life - 95 posts (43 of these were weekly installments of the Hits and Misses series)
• Collaborations - 17 posts
• Reading for Me - 23 posts. (Four of these posts relate to my reading of the Harry Potter series which I plan to finish in 2016. Additionally the Reading with Jacqs series met a slight road block -- an incredibly cute and very loved one -- with the arrival of Jack-Jack in August. It's amazing the impact sleepless nights with a crying baby has on a mother's desire to read!)
• Christmas Celebration - This was the first year for the Carol videos. They weren't housed on any of the blogs, but they definitely were a part of my online voice and presence.

That's a brief look at 2015 in my world. I hope you all are able to take a few minutes to reflect on your year as you look forward to the excitement and adventure that awaits you in 2016! I'll talk to you again in the new year....

 

~Kennith

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Ever Felt Like a Failure?

Let's just be honest with ourselves. No one is successful in every pursuit they make. In those times that our best efforts don't lead to the outcome we had hoped to obtain, we can feel as though we were not good enough. There may have been contributing factors to our failure such as lack of manpower or inadequate materials. Truthfully, sometimes failure comes because we had the right idea at the wrong time. Despite all of the explanations in the world, it becomes very easy to allow the blame for the project's failure to land squarely on our shoulders. That's never a good feeling.

Dealing with past failures can continue for many years as well. Sometimes a new failure brings to mind the pain of a past shortfall. A wayward comment can cause us to remember the frustration of a day gone by. Currently, social media is a major player in my personal feelings of past failings. I see repeated posts and photos about projects I was involved with in a previous life. I recall the frustration and pain of trying to do the important work when no one was willing to help. Now I see a team that is excited and working together. I watch the very ones who repeatedly met my pleas for help with resounding "no's" now jumping into the middle of the work. Quite simply, it's hard to watch because it makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why were people so unwilling to help? Did I not deserve their help? Was I too demanding as a leader? Was I a weak leader they could not follow? Did they just not care? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Don't get me wrong. In the big scheme of things, I'm very happy to see that such important work has finally gotten the attention it deserves. I'm glad to see that things are flourishing. I just find myself feeling more and more like a failure. It makes me wonder if I was just "getting in the way" of real success for far too long. I wonder if these people ever stop to think how their posts might impact me......or if they even care.

Do I really believe that season of my life was a complete waste? Not entirely. I think I got caught in a terribly difficult time that caused lots of people to say "no." My superiors were either not aware of the issues or simply chose to turn a blind eye -- I don't guess I'll ever really know the answer to that one -- and I found myself doing the best I could in a crappy situation. I found myself fighting battles that couldn't be won because of destructive forces at work that attempted to wreak havoc on me personally, professionally, ministerally and spiritually. I was forced to push my hurt down so no one else would be offended -- never mind the fact that I had been terribly offended. Thankfully, I'm in a much better situation now in every area of my life than I was in those days, but the reality of those past failures still stings. Unfortunately, the trauma of that season of my life has resulted in my choice to no longer be actively involved in a similar leadership position. I just can't take the hatefulness that results in such positions any more. Now I just wonder if the hurt will ever completely heal. Things are better than they were.....but the ache and hurt is still very real.

This is definitely not what I expected to come from my keyboard when I sat down to write, but here it is. I feel certain that my future posts will not be quite as gloomy. But it's just another example of what is going on in my mind while I'm here just Livin' Life.

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Remembering

As our nation pauses today to remember the horrific events of September 11, 2001, I find myself remembering my personal experiences on that frightening day. Here is the post originally published on September 11, 2012 that recounts the day for me in small town Arkansas. The emotions are just as fresh today as they were fourteen years ago; I pray that we have learned important lessons as individuals, families, and a nation.  KF

(Original post - 9/11/12)

This post has been on my mind all day, but since it's been a very full day, I'm just now getting to sit down and write. Eleven years ago today, the world paused as we watched in horror the terrorists events in New York, Washington, DC, and Pennsylvania unfold before our eyes. Today, I have had a lot of time to reflect on that fateful day and how my life was effected.

That beautiful Tuesday morning of 2001 was the final semester of my master's work in piano performance. The day was scheduled to begin at 10:00 with a voice lesson in Dr. Pamela Gaston's studio and would continue until I had my piano lesson late that afternoon. I had gotten myself together, dressed, and had warmed up when I decided to sit down on the sofa to watch a bit of news before leaving for the school. I sat in absolute horror as I listened to Matt Lauer attempt to sort through the confusion of what was happening in the earliest stages of the tragedy.

I knew that this would be a historical event, so I immediately called my mom and told her to make sure that she was watching the news. The rest of the morning is a blur and I somehow pulled myself together and managed to get into my car to head to school. As I drove, I remember seeing several crop dusters beginning to work in this agricultural region and I nearly lost my mind with every sound. I think that's when I finally knew that things were not alright -- and I wasn't either.

As I drove, my cell phone began to ring off the hook. My sister-in-law and sister were trying to reach me. It was Patsy, my brother's wife, who finally got through and asked exactly where I was. Reports were coming in that both bridges into Memphis would be shut down to all traffic later that morning since there was fear that the city might be a terrorist target. If I found myself in Memphis when the bridges were closed, I wouldn't be able to get home....and at that point we didn't know how long it would last.

I turned around and went home. I didn't have the presence of mind to call anyone and cancel my appointments for the day. I thought the world was coming to an end anyway and none of it was going to matter. I tried to think about other things when I got home, but I sat glued to the television. I was frightened of what was going to happen next. I feared for the safety of my friends living in New York as well as those in Los Angeles -- so many were assuming that the entire nation was under attack.

As aircraft were grounded around the nation, I saw the immensity of the situation. Then television stations began to go off the air as a show of respect to those who had been lost. I couldn't believe what was happening.

Later that afternoon I learned that the bridges were not going to be closed and got a phone call from my boss that the church was hosting a special prayer service that evening. I had mixed emotions about going to be perfectly honest. I wanted to be in a place of prayer, but I was not looking forward to being 45 miles from home while the world was in chaos. I made the drive to East Memphis. I sat outside the church on the hood of my car and talked with friends before the service began and was shocked at the silence that was all around. The church normally had lots of air traffic going overhead due to flight paths to the international airport. That afternoon was strangely and eerily silent.

As I sat in the quiet, I began to think about many things. I had to teach children's church on Sunday morning. How was I going to address how God could allow so many people to die who had done nothing to deserve it? How was I going to assure them that in this craziness God was still in control? Was I honestly convinced of that myself? Then I started to think about my upcoming calendar. I was supposed to get on an airplane in just a few weeks and travel to Los Angeles for a performance. Would the airlines be up and running again? Would I have the courage to fly? (I made the flight to LA in early October, but I was completely petrified, reading a large portion of the New Testament with a white-knuckle grip.  My return flight wasn't much better since the US had attacked Afghanistan the day before and the airports were on high alert in case of retaliation.)

I got back to a semi-normal routine with the rest of the country in the weeks after 9/11. I had convinced everyone I was fine, but I knew that I wasn't. I had to face this fact when the drama series The West Wing returned to the air. I had been a regular viewer of the show since its beginning and hadn't missed an episode. The show immediately after the hiatus dealt with terrorist attacks as their response to the tragedies. I started watching the episode but couldn't bring myself to watch it because I was so disturbed. Truthfully, I have not watched an episode of The West Wing since that evening. I own the entire series on DVD and have made efforts to watch them from the beginning, but I can't make it because of the knowledge that I will have to face that episode in order to finish the series.

So here I am 11 years after the events of 9/11.  I wasn't in New York City on that day. I didn't know anyone personally who was among the victims. Still, I find that I was scarred on that day and don't know that I have ever fully recovered.....or that I ever will.

Trophies

Walk into any home, school, or place of business and you can immediately tell what achievements are most prized. How? The truth is clearly displayed in the form of trophies. Trophies can come in many shapes and sizes: bronzed figures, framed certificates, photographs, stuffed deer heads, and various knick-knacks find places of honor in homes around the country.

Displayed trophies remind us of success. While composing this post, a mounted deer's head overlooks the table in my cousin's home. My framed diplomas have prominent placement on my office walls. The car dealership I most recently visited proudly displayed awards for superior customer service in glass cases throughout the showroom. Each of these trophies show which accomplishments are highly valued by the owner.

However, no trophy will carry the same importance with every audience. My diplomas mean far more to me than they do to anyone else. People who are currently pursuing similar degrees have a positive response to these trophies. Friends and family who were present during the trials of my graduate studies find a different meaning in those framed papers. Some people see them as nothing more than an attempt to hold others in an inferior light.

Why do our trophies mean so much to us? Because no one else truly knows the work that was specifically involved in earning it. I have gone fishing before, but I don't know the fight that the bass hanging on the wall put up. Other pianists understand the preparation involved in preparing for competition, but they didn't share my experience with this specific piece in this particular moment in time that led to the trophy on the mantle. Even though we share our trophies with an audience, they are ultimately reminders for our personal benefit. They remind us that hard work pays off. They encourage us to push through challenges in order to reap reward. They give us a reason to celebrate...and the courage to try something new so we can renew the celebrating once again.

Making an Impact

As I continue to make preparations to move to Plainview, I'm also finding it necessary to close things here in Memphis. With each announcement of my new adventure, I repeatedly find myself surprised by some of the people with whom I have interacted and hopefully have impacted in a positive way. Last night featured one such encounter I didn't expect to have such a powerful effect on me.

I have been teaching at Bartlett Music Academy for nearly eight months. I have maintained a small studio and enjoyed working with the kids. Last night was the final session of a theory camp including a young man who has struggled in his private lessons, but has made significant strides in his reading and rhythm skills in our brief time together. This boy came to know me because his younger sister is one of my piano students. After our class together, J. informed me that his family had a card for me.

I accompanied J. to his family's van. From the back emerged a teary-eyed girl who stretched out a card and gave me a huge embrace. As her dad looked on, he explained that L. had just learned earlier in the day of my departure. The student could say nothing; I was fighting tears as well. In that moment, nothing else mattered more than the realization that I had significantly influenced this precious child.

Isn't that what we all want -- to know that our efforts have made a difference? I'm not looking forward to Saturday's piano lessons. I expect some more difficult goodbyes. But I also have the confidence that even though the time I spent with these students was short, I am leaving them better than they were first introduced to me. My prayer is that my impact has extended beyond the music and that they are confident that their teacher cared for them deeply.

The Diet Center

This year, I have set a goal for myself to lose ten pounds. I know that it's possible and that there are plenty of ways to do it. I decided to get some help and joined The Diet Center to see if I could have a little more success. Here is the brief story of my experience with the program.

When I was first introduced to the Diet Center, I thought this was going to be the easiest program ever! Basically, you are to eat 3 meal replacements daily in the form of either a bar or a shake. At least 64 ounces of water are consumed daily along with fiber tablets and supplements. The day ends with a sensible dinner.

For the first week, life was great! The program was manageable. The water I was consuming was flushing my system and I experienced rapid weight loss. Then life returned to normal and I found that I wasn't getting the promised results. The meal replacements were bland and unsatisfying. (This is not to say that I was hungry while eating the bars; I just grew to hate them.) I was lucky to lose a pound each week. It was rather disappointing to put myself through the program's expense and frustration without seeing consistent results.

I also found the weigh ins annoying. I didn't object to visiting the center twice each week to step on the scale and replenish my supply of bars, supplements, and shakes. I grew to detest the sugary sweet ladies that worked there who could turn into a nagging monster on a dime. I became frustrated as it became clear that false statements were made about the program's ability to work in light of my personal relationship with food (since I am a picky eater who refuses to eat veggies). It became rather evident to me that I had gotten taken in by a well-played sales pitch. I don't know if the science the Diet Center proclaims actually supports their claims or not. I really don't care. I just know that the program was a joke for me personally.

I know that the solution to weight loss for me is eating sensibly and getting back to the gym. The reality is that my current lifestyle does not include the luxury of free time. But now I know that the Diet Center is clearly not the way for me to go.

My Most Influential Musical Moments

This is the final installment in this series of major influences on my life. Music plays a tremendous role in my life, so I thought it would be fun to think about the top five musical experiences that have impacted me as a musician. (There is no way that I could confidently state the "most influential" moments, so I will have to settle for five that were really important.)

1. The youth department of the church that I grew up in held an annual Teen Talent competition. The contest featured local, state, and international rounds and winning was a great honor. I competed in the Arkansas state competition for 6 years and won the piano division each year. I was fortunate enough to compete in the international competition twice. It was during these competitions that I was first introduced to the hymn arrangements of Marilynn Ham. These arrangements have served me well over the years and I have a special fondness for Ham's arrangements of Great is Thy Faithfulness and Be Thou My Vision. The introduction to these works clearly established my belief that instrumental music can be a powerful method of sharing concepts of faith with an audience.
2. After transferring to West Memphis Christian School, I was encouraged to participate in the summer musical presented by the local community theater. I really didn't know what I was getting into, but I auditioned anyway. A few weeks into that production of Carousel, I found myself sitting at the piano....and being asked to play for the evening's rehearsal. I didn't really realize that playing a major score at sight was a big deal, so there was no opportunity to get nervous. That night taught me that I had a gift for sight reading, a love for musical theater, and began a great friendship with one of my personal mentors, Donna Bledsoe.
3. Eastern Arkansas was not known for its strong choral tradition while I was in high school. When I began studying at Pepperdine University, I had the opportunity to sing in a choir for the first time and fulfilled a lifelong dream. What I never expected was that my first semester would include the opportunity to sing Carmina Burana! I immediately fell in love with this powerful choral work and have been involved with choral music ever since.
4. It was also at Pepperdine that I began to gain confidence as a pianist. When I was asked to open the dedication of the college's new recital hall with Brahms' G Minor Rhapsody, I was overwhelmed and honored. I still enjoy going back to this early work and diving into the richness of those bass octaves!
5. In graduate school, I had spent most of my accompanying time in vocal studios to make a little extra money because that was the repertoire with which I felt most comfortable. As soon as I was introduced to Halsey Stevens' trumpet sonata, I was hooked on the world of instrumental collaboration. Not only did I enjoy it; I learned that I did some of my best work with brass and woodwind instruments. I still spend most of my time with vocalists at the moment, but there's always a longing to return to the instrumental side of collaboration as often as possible....and I'm looking forward to playing a recital with an undergraduate violinist in early May!

My Most Influential People

I've continued thinking about the people and things that have helped to influence my life. Today, I would like to share with you some of the people who have had the greatest impact on the man that I have become. My family has obviously been a tremendous influence on me and I am eternally grateful for my parents and siblings (well, most of the time anyway). For the purposes of this post, I'm going to be looking at the people I encountered outside of the four walls of my home. I'm listing these five people in the order in which they appeared in my life.

1. Eva Keith was the music teacher at Crawfordsville Elementary in the 1970s. It was on a rainy afternoon in October of 1977 that my life would forever be impacted by this woman as I had my first piano lesson sitting at an upright piano in her classroom after school. No instruction happened that day because the car that my mom and I were in was hit by a school bus on the way to the lesson. This little lady was quite a tyrant when she needed to be. I developed a habit of daily practice out of fear of her wrath. After working through the first two books of a now out-of-print piano method, Ms. Keith began to introduce me to works by Bach, Mozart, and Rachmaninoff. Neither my parents nor I had any idea the high caliber of instruction that I was receiving; it was nothing short of Providence. I continued studying with Ms. Keith for six years until she left the area to move to north Mississippi. I was crushed and contemplated ending my study of the instrument at that point. I credit Eva Keith with much of the piano technique and sight reading skills that I have learned to depend on in my career today.
2. Mrs. Ussery was my fourth grade teacher. She was also the first teacher who called my bluff and refused to allow me to coast through another year without applying myself to my full potential. With her guidance, I developed a love for learning that has not been quenched. Mrs. Ussery taught me the value of books and the power of knowledge while instilling in me lessons of integrity and compassion for those who were struggling.
3. During my late adolescent and early teen years, James Marlow became the pastor of the local congregation my family attended. As luck would have it, the congregation did not have a pianist. Bro. Marlow allowed me to begin exploring the position of church pianist as a ten-year-old child. (It's not a situation that I would ever recommend for a developing pianist, but it turned out okay for me.....with a lot of patience, prayers, and love from this man and his wife, Alice.) Bro. Marlow did much more than introduce me to church music though. He also provided solid Biblical instruction in a crucial time and became a lifelong friend to my family.
4. While looking for a work-study opportunity at Pepperdine, I found my way into the Campus Life Office and became a CLO kid. Bob White, Rita Sears, Lori Otto, Vanessa Nichols, and Darryl Calkins all impacted my life in various ways, but the greatest impact came from Hung Le. Somehow I ended up working as an intern to Hung and got to be involved in the planning for events like New Student Orientation, Parents' Weekend, and Graduation Brunch. I learned so much about organization and event planning from this man that you will ever know. More importantly, I watched a Godly man live out his faith openly day in and day out. Hung was not only my boss; he became a cherished friend. I sat in his office in tears at the death of my grandmother and sought his advice when facing a devastating blow in my academic career. I was blessed to return to Pepperdine for a few months in 1998 and work for Hung Le again. What I thought was going to be the beginning of a glorious return tour to the school I loved turned out to be an unexpected trial as my dad faced colon cancer. As I found myself thousands of miles away from my family, Hung became my family -- offering support, encouragement, love, and prayer. Once again, my Heavenly Father knew exactly who to place in my path when I was most in need.
5. I have spent more time in the piano studio of Joan Gilbert than any other teacher. Ms. Gilbert was my graduate advisor, but she was so much more than my teacher though. She was a mentor, advisor, and friend. She helped me fall in love with my instrument again when I thought that playing was nothing more than a past hobby. Her wisdom helped me chart a course of study that led to my current career as a collaborative artist. Her tenacity and drive pushed me to complete the doctoral degree when I was ready to give up. 

As you can see, I have been tremendously blessed by amazing people who have challenged me, mentored me, and loved me. I could continue and tell you about Jody, Dr. Ferguson, Robbie, Andy, and Donna. The list could stretch for days! I will forever be indebted to each of these influential people for the part they have played in my development. I only hope that I can some day honor them by offering similar encouragement to those I encounter in the years to come.

My Most Influential Books

With the beginning of another year, I'm thinking about people and things that have influenced me throughout my life. I thought it would be interesting to think about the books that I have read and reflect on which ones have made the greatest impact on me. Before starting the list, I must say that I have not included the Bible as a possibility because it has been a important book in my life since childhood and I strive daily to allow its principles to shape my morality and life choices. Having said that, here are the top five books that influenced me (in no particular order)...

1. No Wonder They Call Him the Savior by Max Lucado. I first encountered this volume as a high school senior when my Bible teacher, Mr. Harold Redd, gave it as a gift. As I began reading the book, I found myself entranced and falling in love with Christ all over again. Truthfully, I think this book is primarily responsible for my continuing faith journey as an adult.
2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. This is my favorite novel of all time! I read the book over the summer before beginning my freshman year at Pepperdine University. The book was a required reading assignment for all students in preparation for an orientation session on ethics. This was my first experience of reading a book outside of a classroom setting that spoke so clearly to the world that I knew and challenged me to think about my own views of race relations and prejudice.
3. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. While at Pepperdine, I majored in English as well as music. (One of those majors was much more successful than the other, by the way!) During my junior year, I was enrolled in Survey of American Literature, the Early American novel, and Southern Literature. All three classes included Twain's masterpiece on the reading list. When I first noticed this, I was thrilled to have one reading assignment for all three classes. What I came to discover was that this would become an intense study of this magnificent novel. The more I thought about Huck's adventures, the more I learned. This novel stands as one of my greatest learning experiences in all of my educational pursuits.
4. Read for Your Life by Pat Williams. Who knew that a book by a basketball coach would have such a huge impact on me? Williams lays out a clear explanation of the importance of reading in maintaining intellectual health as we age. It was in this book that I was first presented with the challenge to strive to read a book a week. I've not achieved that level of reading activity, but I'm still pursuing it....and my reading life became much richer as a result of my time spent with this book.
5. Oh the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss. While on a family vacation before beginning my college career, I overheard a family member predict that I would completely fail out of school because I was trying to live "the big life" in California. I was crushed by the destructive comment. Shortly after coming home, I was given a copy of Dr. Seuss' book. Oh the Places You'll Go became my personal reminder that my success (or failure) was not dependent on anyone other than me. So I continued to shoot for the stars....and I'm much richer because of it.

Time for Accountability - 2014 Resolutions Recap

On this final day of 2014, I thought it would be appropriate to take a look back at the New Year's Resolutions I made on January 1, 2014 and see how I fared. I'll examine each goal individually and let you know how things went.

Become actively involved in a strong Christian fellowship of believers. It took me a while to finally settle down, but I'm happy to say that I did. After much internal debate (and dealing with childhood feelings about "church membership"), I joined First Baptist Church of Marion, Arkansas in the fall. It was around the same time that I began to get involved in the music department of the church and once again use my talents to exalt my God. I've had a few failed attempts at joining a Sunday School class and haven't dared to enter the children's ministry yet, but those issues are definitely on my radar and things that I plan to do in 2015. I am so thankful to sit under the anointed preaching that comes weekly with practical application for my daily life.

Increase my total reading activity. This has become an annual resolution for me. This year, I fell short though. In 2013, I read a total of 46 books.  Due to lots of doctors' appointments and stressful times during the summer and early fall, the 2014 total peaked at 21. I'm not going to make any more excuses.....it happened. Now it's time to get back on that horse and get back to reading again!

Take control of my health - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Let's call this a 2/3 success. I feel as though I am in a better place emotionally and spiritually than I have been in a very long time. Much of that is due to my involvement with First Marion. My physical health could definitely use some attention. I continue to have no time for workouts -- much to my chagrin -- and cancelled my gym membership in 2014. I don't have a plan of action for this even though I know it's something that I need to get a handle on.

Memorize 2 major works for solo piano. I don't know what I was thinking when I made this resolution! I was so busy learning collaborative works that I had very little time to practice any solo repertoire.

Improve the consistency and quality of my blogging - especially on Collaborations. This is another failed resolution. While I am happy with the quality of work that I put out this year, the consistency declined on all my blogs in 2014. Once again, the summer of medical visits was when things began to fall apart. I'm in the process of putting blog topics on a calendar to see if I can get back to a regular blogging routine in 2015. We'll just have to see how things go, I suppose.

Consistently schedule activities that will bring rejuvenation and relaxation. I'm not really sure how I feel about my progress in this area. I think I was handling life better in the early parts of the year and taking care of me. My attention shifted from me to Dad during the heart surgery and now I'm finding it difficult to take control of my life again since the Geriatrics have gotten back into the habit of relying solely on me for many things. I don't know that there is a solution to this problem until I am able to move away from Crawfordsville.

As you can see, 2014 has been a year of successes and failures for me personally. I'm hoping for more successes in 2015 as I'm sure you are. Here's to putting the mistakes of 2014 behind us and moving into the New Year with hope and confidence that brighter days are ahead.

Happy New Year!
Kennith

The Year in Review - My Reading Life

As many of you know, I greatly enjoy reading books of all types. I provide short reviews and reflections on the books that I have read on another of my blogs - Reading for Me. Even though I am not thrilled with the number of books I have read in 2014 (a paltry 20 works at the time of writing), I have taken a few minutes to reflect and generated a list of my top 5 reads of the year.

1. The Winds of War by Herman Wouk (published 1971)
2. Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult (2014)
3. The Bastard by John Jakes (1974)
4. The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout (2013)
5. The Shelf by Phyllis Rose (2014)

As expected, the list is dominated by fiction. The Shelf is the only memoir to make the list. I tend to prefer contemporary fiction, so I was surprised to see that two of the top three selections were published in the early 1970s.

I'm always looking for recommendations. What was your favorite read of 2014? Please leave your suggestion in the comment section of this blog post.

The Year in Review - Music

As I continue my look back over the year 2014, I am pleased to see that the year has been a very busy one for me as a musician. It also helps to explain why I am so tired!

Let's start with the year in the classroom. This year, I taught 8 sections of my music classes at the post-secondary level. I continued teaching music appreciation at MSCC in West Memphis with two classes each semester. The Spring brought a new challenge in the form of a hybrid course -- students completed half of the material in a brick-and-mortar setting with me. The rest of each week's work was done through online units. I was busy developing the online material and attempting to overcome the technological challenges the students encountered. In the fall, MSCC decided to attempt the music appreciation course as an online class. The stress of Dad's health issues combined with the demands of creating this course did not result in a smooth semester at all.

At Union, I taught two sections of class piano each semester. The spring semester went fairly smoothly as I continued to find my way through this new course. The fall brought a new challenge as I faced a piano lab with 9 students enrolled in a single session (the largest class I've ever experienced). Through trial and error, I learned a lot and have begun to develop my own approach to this challenging class.

While we're talking about Union, let's begin to discuss the year of playing. My position as a staff pianist accounts for the majority of my playing during the year. In 2014, I accompanied 33 half-hour weekly lessons over the course of the year (14 in the spring and 19 in the fall). In addition to these lessons, I also served as principle pianist for the department's Opera Workshop -- which featured selections from musical theater in the spring and the first act of Mozart's Magic Flute in the fall. I started to come up with a grand total of hours spent at the piano for lessons, rehearsals, and auditions, but then I came to my senses.....I was afraid the number would send me into shock!

A major part of the responsibility of a staff pianist is providing accompaniment for student degree recitals. I certainly played my fair share of recitals this year - a total of 13 recitals (7 of these were 30 minute recitals; the remaining 6 were hour long. Don't be fooled though....several of the shorter recitals included some of the most challenging music of the year!) All of this year's recitals were vocal and really quite enjoyable to prepare. The only challenges I faced were a week in the spring semester that included 4 recitals in a span of 6 days and the difficulty of balancing the students' needs for rehearsals with the music department's budgetary limitations.

While that accounts for the majority of my work at Union this year, there were still other opportunities to make music with faculty and students there in the fall semester.

• I accompanied the Men's Chorus at the Fall Choral Concert.
• I learned and performed Eric Whitacre's insanely difficult Ghost Train with the Symphonic Band.
• Dr. Stanley Warren and I presented a community recital called "An American Songbook."
• Union will present its first joint venture between the music and theater departments in the spring of 2015. I was invited to play the three days of auditions as well as callbacks for Into the Woods this semester.
• I joined Union students at UT Martin for the 2014 Tennessee State NATS competition.

The rest of the year's performances and professional appearances were quite varied. Each proved to be enjoyable and memorable in their own way.

• Piano Adjudicator for Mississippi Valley State University's piano festival.
• Accompanist for Germantown High School's spring choral concerts.
• Musical Director of Delta Art's high school cabaret production.
• Volunteer Church Musician at First Marion. This year, I began playing for weekly choir rehearsals in the fall. I also began to work in the rotation of playing piano for Sunday morning services. December found me at the keyboard in the pit orchestra for the church's Christmas production.
• Private piano teacher at Bartlett Music Academy.

I definitely have a very full life and enjoy the opportunity to make music on a regular basis. Now I'm looking forward to the musical adventures that 2015 has in store!

The Year in Review - Blogging

I enjoy writing. I find it relaxing and a great way to work through things that are on my mind. A few years ago, I discovered the power of blogging. I never kept a personal journal consistently because I knew that I was the only one who would ever read the entries. I suppose that's what I enjoy most about blogging -- the opportunity to share my thoughts with people around the world.

As part of my personal reflection on 2014, I find it interesting to consider my year as a blogger. I have maintained (to varying degrees) three blogs actively. Livin' Life is the blog that you are reading now and contains my personal thoughts as well as my weekly updates into the "Hits and Misses" of my world. Additionally, I attempt to maintain a professional presence through Collaborations and share my thoughts about books I've read on Reading for Me. (I'll reflect on the year as a reader in a separate post next week.)

The numbers always seem to clearly tell the tale, so let's look at a few statistics:

• Livin' Life featured 102 posts (including this one) so far in 2014.
• Of these 102 posts, 40 of them were installments of my "Hits and Misses" series. I also find it interesting that these posts are some of the most popular among my friends and family.
• Collaborations was neglected this year. I only made 16 posts there.
• Reading for Me also experienced a decline in posts this year with only 19 posts.
• THAT BRINGS THE GRAND TOTAL OF POSTS TO 137 POSTS as of December 12!

As a celebration of my year of blogging, I've decided to go back and find my FIVE FAVORITE POSTS of 2014. Some were humorous; others were passionate and highly emotional. Did your favorite Livin' Life posts make my list? I'd love to hear what you considered my best writing in the last 12 months. Share your comments below.

Without further ado, here are my selections for my top 5 posts of 2014:

• #5.  Some Passions Never Die (July 2)
• #4.  A Reason to Celebrate (August 29)
• #3.  Road Trip Lessons (June 20)
• #2.  Hearing Restored (August 20)
• #1.  Purple Daisies (October 24)