The Evasiveness of Happiness

Have you ever felt like happiness was nowhere to be found? No matter what you try, you simply can't find satisfaction. When happiness seems elusive, here are a few things to consider. One of them may just be the root of your problem.

• You tend to focus on the negative. Some of us are wired to be pessimists. We naturally see the half-empty glass. It takes time, but it is possible to consciously shift your focus. Begin by determining to set aside moments in each day to reflect on the good things that have happened. There may be times that the only thing you can say is "I'm still breathing." That's fine.....find the joy in that. As you practice seeking out the positive in life, it will become easier to find and more natural to you.
• Loneliness. I know from personal experience that it is completely possible to be surrounded by people and still feel as though you are completely alone. This may be due to your perception that everyone has let you down or that you are unlovable. Perhaps you struggle trusting others enough to establish a meaningful relationship. Seek out opportunities to spend time with other people in non-threatening situations. Have dinner with a small group. Get involved in a club. Make conversation with the person running on the next treadmill or sitting in the next cubicle. No matter how short the interaction, push yourself to go outside of your comfort zone on a regular basis. Socializing becomes easier with time -- even for the shy ones like me!
• You are not actively pursuing your life's purpose or passion. It's not a great mystery what your passion is. What is that thing that really makes you feel that something should be done? Maybe you have a heart for kids.....or animals.....or single mothers......or feeding the poor.....or cleaning littered streets. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering to anyone else; if the cause is important to you, it's important! Now find a way to make a difference. You might volunteer with an organization on a regular basis. Your schedule won't allow a regular commitment? Fine! There are lots of one-time events that you can be involved in that will make a difference. As you begin to give of your time and abilities, you will begin to feel that you are not simply taking up space in the universe. You are a contributing member that is making a difference....and that sense of purpose will ultimately lead to joy.
• You may be facing health issues. Depression is a very real illness that plagues millions of people. It can have an impact upon your physical health. It can effect your work performance. It can cause distress in family relationships and friendships. Because it is an illness, there is no shame in seeking professional help from a qualified professional. Think about it. If a physician told you that you had a life-threatening illness like cancer that could be treated, wouldn't you get the help so you could go on with your life? Depression is just as debilitating as cancer....and just as treatable! (Trust me, I know, because I'm one who has been treated and has learned how to manage the condition.)
• Maybe you are just stuck in a rut. When life seems to be monotonous, happiness can be zapped. So change things up a little. Try something new. Stop by the park on the way home for a quick hike. Plan to take in a play or concert. Grab a picnic basket, blanket, and book to head out for a personal retreat. Treat yourself to a spa day. Give yourself permission to take care of you and let everything else be put on hold temporarily. It may be just what the doctor ordered!

We are not designed to live life for long seasons without experiencing happiness. Joy is ultimately the source of our strength! (See Nehemiah 8:10.)

If you are struggling with finding happiness, I highly recommend the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D. It was an important tool in my own journey as I learned to deal with depression and unhappiness.

Too Little, Too Late?

Have you ever been involved in a situation that completely destroyed a relationship? It might have come at the hands of a close friend, a family member, or a business associate. Now imagine that the person returned at a later time in an effort to make amends. There are times that the relationship can be restored. But I'm wondering if there is a point where the hurt is too deep and the relationship has been broken too long that makes reconciliation impossible? Is there a time where it is truly too little, too late?

I've struggled with this question at various times in my life. One of the first things I have to address is whether having irreconcilable differences implies a lack of forgiveness? Over the years, I have come to think that reconciliation and forgiveness do not always occur at the same time. I may have honestly forgiven someone for the pain they brought into my life while also admitting that I have not observed a significant change in their attitude or behavior that assures me the destruction will not reappear. In those cases, I think it would be foolish to reconcile too quickly; this becomes a matter of self-preservation. I know the damage that has been caused and that I am not ready to allow a repeat performance to occur.

I like to think that I am also older, wiser, and more cautious. I have learned from past experience to see warning signs in interactions with others that suggest hurt is on the way. Some may ask how I can determine that the other person has not changed without giving them a chance to prove me wrong. My answer is that a lack of trust on my part would not be beneficial to either party. By admitting that I am not convinced the situation would be any different, I am effectively saying I am not at a place where I am ready to risk being hurt again. When it all comes down to it, I have to take steps to protect my emotional health at all costs.

Sometimes I think the most important reason for declaring a situation "too little, too late" is that I have already found peace with the situation and moved on. I have developed other relationships that are encouraging me and bringing me fulfillment. Why would I ever consider leaving a peaceful setting in order to return to past hurts and memories?

Yep.....there are times that we simply have to say that it is "too little, too late."