Clearing Out the Cobwebs

Now that things are slowing down, the season of spring cleaning is upon us. It's time to hit the closets and cupboards in search of hidden treasures that need to be brought into the light again. It's also time to move out the outdated and unneeded. Why do we go through this torturous process each year? Like nature, it's time to make way for newness in our lives.

Spring cleaning is also a mental exercise. It's a time of reflection over the past year, letting go of mistakes and failures while enjoying the memories of successes. It's a time to clear our thoughts of plans that never fully came to fruition. In the light of a new day, we get to decide whether the plans need to be fleshed out further to reappear later or if it is time to let go of them and allocate their precious mental space for new ideas and inspiration.

The entire process is a way of recovering from the past and preparing our hearts, minds, and spirits for the future. As we clear things out, we find that our energy is renewed. There is now space -- in the physical, mental, and spiritual realms -- for new ideas to flourish now that we have eliminated the clutter. In our new found clarity, we are able to truly experience rest.

I still need to do some spring cleaning in my living areas (a job that I completely detest), but I'm coming to the end of the mental and spiritual cleaning that needed to happen. How do I know? I'm finding myself beginning to find inspiration for new projects while experiencing the excitement that comes with them.

When the Office Became a Place of Worship

I have a soft spot for young people who sense a call into ministry as worship leaders, yet struggle with their own insecurities and feelings of inferiority. I suppose it is because I can relate personally to their struggle. As a teen, I first sensed God's calling to use my talents in music in the area of worship. There was no one nearby to mentor me in worship ministry -- an area of ministry that was just coming into its own in the late 1980s in my church. Between the questions from adults about what worship ministry would look like and my own self-doubt, I was scared to pursue my calling. You see, I'm not a gregarious person. Honestly, I prefer to be alone than with other people. Eventually I would learn that often God's calling places us in uncomfortable situations where our weaknesses are evident so His glory can be portrayed through our faltering efforts.

Now that I have served as a worship minister for almost 20 years in various congregations, I cherish getting to watch young music ministers develop into the leaders that God intends them to be. Sometimes what I witness seems so natural for them. At other times, what I witness can be described as nothing other than a "God moment," where His hand is clearly at work in the life of a young person and their calling is evident to everyone who witnesses it. I was fortunate to witness one of those "God moments" in the unlikeliest of places recently.

I entered a voice studio where the weekly lesson of a young struggling singer was already underway. She is confident of her calling to music ministry, yet struggles to see how things are going to turn out due to her lack of training and hurtful comments by peers. In this particular week, the lesson focused on a charming piece which quotes a scripture passage of reassurance spoken by God Himself over His people. Her initial performance was shy, reserved, and somewhat apologetic. When asked if God is apologizing in this passage, the student shared a beautiful testimony about her own journey that has led her to this place, her desire to be faithfully obedient to God's calling, and what the lyrics of the song have spoken into her spirit recently.

Now that she had expressed her thoughts and statement of personal faith so simply, the young singer began the song again. The difference in sound was amazing. It wasn't louder nor did it suddenly sound like a new voice. Instead, in the simplicity of her pure sound, confidence and worship was pouring out of her heart. The small voice studio was transformed into a sanctuary in that moment and God's presence was evident. I felt as though God had arrived in that temporary place of worship to intimately receive the worship that was being offered while affirming the divine call upon this young life. All those in the room could only respond with tears; we were overwhelmed by this time of worship and the closeness of God's presence.

Over the years, I have been involved in the lives of lots of young worship leaders and have mentored several of them personally. I can safely say that I have never witnessed or experienced anything like this before. The rest of the people in the music building in that moment had no idea what was going on in the studio in the middle of the hallway. It was such a profound moment of worship that those of us that were there will never forget it -- and I, for one, will never view the work that happens in the studio in quite the same way.

Dealing with the Silence

Life in west Texas is exciting and new. For the first time, I am enjoying the opportunity to live without consideration for the schedules of family members. I'm alone.....so that means the only schedule that I have to abide by is my own.

Once the newness of my situation sank in, I also had to come to grips with some of the implications of being alone. There are lots of quiet times to spend with my own thoughts. If I'm not careful, these "quiet" times can become very lonely. I quickly realized that I had to learn the difference between "being alone" and "being lonely." It's nice to be alone with my own thoughts occasionally. I enjoy the relaxed pace of life as a bachelor. When the tide turns and I begin to experience loneliness, I have found a few tricks to help me navigate the dark times and turn my attitude around.

• Establish a Routine. Even though a solitary lifestyle does not demand conforming to the schedules of other people, establishing a regular routine for your activities can provide a sense of security in times of uncertainty. The routine also causes the mind to focus on important events that are coming on the horizon. If I have a chore to complete sometime in the future, I am less likely to object to the calm times that can sometimes lead to loneliness.
• Remind Yourself of Activities You Enjoy Doing Alone. If you are anything like me, there are multiple activities that I personally enjoy that had to take a backseat to other people's schedules. Now that I'm living alone, I have time to devote to these -- and can even make them a priority. I'm finding time to sit and listen to an album, read a short story, and complete jigsaw puzzles and craft projects that had been tossed aside for many years. However, it is also important that you understand that the activity's pleasure does not replace your need for human interaction.
• Seek Social Situations. As we encounter people throughout our day, it is important that the single person recognize and embrace opportunities to enjoy the company of others in social situations. It can be easy to turn down an invitation to a movie night or a dinner outing when we feel as though we are going to be a "third wheel." Look for other singles who might be looking for a friend. They are everywhere around you -- at work, next door, and in the church. Remember that you are not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship and trust that others understand this concept as well. Don't let society's ideas about your life -- and the perceived relationships you should have in your life -- impact your pursuit of honest friendships.
• Regularly Access Your Emotional Condition. You know when loneliness is plaguing you better than anyone else. When your emotions are hitting the skids, take the initiative and make the necessary steps to pull yourself out of the dumps. If you have struggled with depression in the past, it is imperative that you have a trusted friend to whom you will be accountable.
• Take Advantage of Technology. With email, cell phones, and social media, it is very easy to stay in touch with those most important to us -- regardless of the distance that separates us. When words just won't suffice, go for face-to-face interactions through apps such as Skype and FaceTime. A video chat will help to alleviate the loneliness and tide you over until you are able to make a trip to see your loved ones in person.

I've learned a lot in the past month about dealing with the silence and overcoming the problems of loneliness. At times, I now find that I greatly value being alone with my thoughts and resent interruptions from the outside world -- even when those interrupting have the best of intentions. Even in those times of solitude, I know that it is important that I stay connected with others as I continue to learn how best to deal with the silence of life.

 

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Unpleasant (But Necessary) Work

There are certain tasks we all despise. We will do anything to delay the unpleasant duty. We know that the work becomes more intense the longer we avoid it, but still we choose to enjoy our current decision to delay the inevitable. Why is it so easy to put off dealing with an unpleasant necessity? When will we learn that quick action will ultimately give us greater relief and rest?

I'm struggling with this right now. If there is one task I hate, it is the tediousness of packing. I'm excited to move and look forward to the adventures that await. I realize that I will want my belongings with me when I arrive. I'm certain that boxing things up gradually will make the process easier. Still, I would much rather watch paint dry than pack another box!

The issue is not one of laziness (although I can enjoy a lazy day with the best of them). I think my issue is one of control. What if I pack something and then realize that I need it again? Right now, I can easily lay my hands on things. Once things go into boxes, despite my best labeling efforts, they are essentially lost to me. The more things I pack, the more I feel completely out of control in my world until I arrive in Texas.

It's also due to the enormous size of the task. After packing things up for a week, it doesn't appear that I've made any progress. Truthfully, the added boxes just feel as though there is more to deal with and I question if I'll be ready for the move in time. Offers to help with the packing from family just make me more overwhelmed. In order to let them help, I have to be able to give instructions on what needs to go. In some ways, I think it would be easier to pack the entire house instead of gathering my belongings that are located throughout my parents' home.

Lastly, it's difficult to pack since I don't know where I'm going. I have not secured housing in Plainview yet. So I don't know how much room I will realistically have. How much furniture will I need? Will there be enough space or do I need to edit my belongings while packing? I am not terribly stressed about my Texas living options yet, but I know that finally having a new home waiting for me will give me a fire to get ready for the move. Until then, I had better get back to packing!

If I Had Another Career...

I absolutely love my job! It is thrilling to make music on a daily basis in various styles and settings. I didn't always plan on being a pianist. As a child, I thought I would be a teacher. I'm luck that I get to live out my childhood dream of teaching as well as continuing to develop my own skills as a performer and musician.

While commuting to a morning rehearsal last weekend, I began to wonder what I might be doing if I hadn't found my way to music. What careers do I think I would have liked to try?

What I quickly realized is that I have developed multiple interests and skills throughout my life. I narrowed the list to four careers I think I might have enjoyed exploring.

Since I like to read and write so much, work as an editor would be fun. I'm fascinated by the process of raising questions that help an author find focus, clarifying their message. Along the same lines, my joy in helping others became the best person they can be makes me consider work as a counselor. I have experienced a bit of peer counseling while serving in ministry. I enjoyed seeing people consider new options that led to changes. My frustrations in ministry were often associated with people continuing down destructive paths.

I have become a planner and organizer in recent years. I have gotten to plan several vacations for my family and really enjoyed doing it. Since I value rest and relaxation so much, work as a travel agent might have been a good fit. I would probably spend the majority of my income visiting destinations of all sorts in the name of job-related research!

My mother has instilled a love of experimenting in the kitchen. I've also developed quite a sweet tooth. Why not become a pastry chef? There would only be a few downsides -- the fact that I would only be able to wear pants with elastic waistbands and that I would have to wash the dishes more frequently!

Even though these careers seem as though they would be fun at first, I think I will stick to my life as a musician as long as I am physically (and financially) able. After all, it is the work that I was created for, so nothing else could ever be as fulfilling!

Going Through the Motions

Why do we feel it necessary to do things we don't want to do in order to appease others? I had a recent conversation with members of my family about just this topic while making plans for the weekend. They found themselves attending events out of a sense of perceived duty rather than actual desire. Why do we so often feel as though we must do things to please others?

I get the idea that we sometimes do things for the greater good or as part of a larger team. What I struggle with is investing time in activities continually that do not benefit me as an individual. Am I really going to constantly work additional hours if I'm not compensated for them? Probably not. How long do I continue in an activity that is emotionally draining just because I perceive that my presence is expected? At what point do I accept the fact that I have the right and responsibility to do what makes me happy?

I'm all for living a life of service. I try to do things for the greater good on a regular basis. When any action becomes an act of laborious duty, however, it's time to evaluate its role in my life. The truth of the matter is that if I'm not experiencing some level of joy from my participation, I'm probably not contributing very much by just going through the motions anyway. When I come to this realization, it may be time for a significant change.  I guess the image below from Laurie Wallin (a speaker, writer, and Life Coach) sums up my feelings better than anything else:

Time to Get Rid of the Noise

The weekend is coming and I am looking forward to relaxing a bit. My parents have also had a busy week; relaxation is on their agendas as well. Our definitions of "relaxing" vary greatly though.

My dad will plop down into a leather recliner with the clicker balanced on the wooden arm. Once he turns on the television Saturday morning, the square monster will continue to blare until he retires for the night. Mom will probably busy herself with various household chores that were left undone before gliding into the cushiony softness of the couch. While television is extremely entertaining (a glance at my calendar will reveal my prime time favorites), the noise that it brings is not always relaxing. Sometimes I really just want to shut the box off and escape the chattering of the talking heads. I just want to turn the TV off for a while.

For many in our society, silence and solitude is uncomfortable. When there is nothing outside of ourselves to hear, we actually begin to listen to our inner voice. That's when we begin to hear gentle words of encouragement, reproof, direction, and challenge. When the noise is removed, our mind has to become our source of information and entertainment. We no longer are led aimlessly by an immoral society.

I'm not saying that television is evil. I just think that it holds too much sway in American culture. What would happen if we silenced the boob tube for a few hours each day and listened carefully? Our families would be strengthened as relationships were rekindled through conversation. Imagination and knowledge would regain the prized positions they held in prior generations. We would reconnect with the Spirit, growing in faith and love. 

I think it's time to begin controlling the talking box rather than being controlled by it. It's time to eliminate some of the noise and start to really listen. You just might be surprised by what you begin to hear!

Here We Go!

I am still in denial. I don't want to accept the fact that August is here again. That means it's time to start prepping for another semester of teaching. This has gotten to be a normal routine and not too difficult. This year, however, I'm facing a couple of new challenges.  All I know is that both of these should be interesting and provide some entertainment in the months ahead.

The first new challenge comes at Mid-South Community College. This semester I'll be returning to my teaching of College Survival Skills. If you've spoken with me very much about teaching, you know this is a class that I have DESPISED teaching in the past. The major problems were results of course content, technology issues, and lack of clear expectations for the faculty. Since the program has undergone a total transformation at the hands of a gifted faculty director, I have high hopes for the program at the moment. Faculty members will function as advisors and mentors to the students, a fact that I think will result in better dialogue between students and teachers. The only downside for me is that I have been assigned the Saturday morning section of the course. Ugh! I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about this by acknowledging that I'll be done with my teaching at 10am and have the rest of the weekend to myself. We'll just have to see if I can maintain the same positive outlook for the next 16 weeks! As this post is being published, I am sitting in the first of several training sessions for the faculty members teaching College Survival. (Just so there's no misunderstanding, I schedule my posts to publish at 10am on MWF. I've not been blogging while in the seminar!)

The more exciting (and frightening) new challenge will take place at Union University. This fall I will teach the third semester of the class piano sequence. There are two sections of the course that I'm scheduled to cover. I'm excited because I'm finally getting to teach a major course in my discipline. I'm frightened nervous because I've done a limited amount of class piano teaching in graduate school. I know I'm capable of successfully teaching the course and look forward to the challenge. I just have to get my mind wrapped around what's ahead and begin planning for a new course.

For those of you doing the math, that's 2 new courses (3 sections total) added to 3 sections of music appreciation as well as continuing as one of Union's staff pianists. That's 6 classes! I'm thrilled! I'm also going to be a very busy man who is going to be burning up the roads between West Memphis and Jackson. For now, I wouldn't have it any other way either.  I suppose the only thing to say is that it's almost time for the craziness insanity fun to begin!

The Next Chapter

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you probably know that I began a three month sabbatical from my church job in April. This time allowed me to address some things that had long been ignored. As the sabbatical began to come to an end, I realized that I needed to make some significant changes in my life. As a result, I notified the church earlier this month that I was resigning from my positions as director of music and children's ministries.

It certainly wasn't an easy decision to make. I am passionate about music and children. I have enjoyed fourteen years of service to this local congregation and consider its members to be my friends. What it finally came down to was a certainty in my core that the time had come to leave. I'm not going to publicly explain the reasons behind my decision here; I will simply state emphatically that I have absolutely no doubt that I have made the right decision and am content, happy, and at peace, resting in the favor of my Heavenly Father. It's a wonderful feeling!

What does the future hold? I'm not entirely sure. That's a lesson I'm learning right now.....stepping out in faith and trusting God to provide. There are no exciting announcements to make. As of now, I'll continue teaching students at Mid-South Community College and working as staff pianist at Union University. There are some other teaching and performing opportunities in the works, but it's a little too early to tell about them since the details are still being finalized. Resigning my position was a huge financial hit, but I finally had to admit to myself that happiness was worth far more than a paycheck.

Change is never easy, but it's often the very thing necessary to bring about growth. Right now I'm enjoying rediscovering my love for the piano, exploring God's Word with new eyes, and looking forward to whatever the future may have in store for me. I invite you to follow along as I continue to share the stories of my adventure of simply Livin' Life......the next chapter.

Choices, Choices

Throughout our lives, we make plans for the future. What do I want to be when I grow up? What school do I want to attend to train for my job? Who will I marry? Where will I live? Should I change careers? How will I care for my aging parents? How do I know I've made the right decision?

Inevitably all of these questions include an amount of uncertainty. Planning for the future is planning for the unknown. We don't know the circumstances that tomorrow will bring. We acknowledge that our choices today will effect the reality of tomorrow and we sometimes find ourselves dreading the future. Even worse, we can sometimes fall into taking no action today in fear of tomorrow's consequences. Yet we also know that "nothing comes from nothing." Do nothing today and you are certain to achieve nothing tomorrow.

So today's question is actually quite simple: How do you go about planning for the future? I certainly contend that prayerful consideration of the future is a first step. There are times when God is silent though. If we're honest, those situations come along more often than we would like. It's easy when we are confident of divine direction to make a choice for tomorrow in absolute faith. It's the choices that we have to made amidst the silence that are so frightening. As humans, we are prone to make mistakes. I have to wonder, when God is silent, is it possible to make an enormous error if neither choice violates God's law?

When choices appear and I don't have clear direction, I personally believe that those are decisions that are left to me. Neither is going to be harmful in the grand scheme of things. One may be more profitable than the other though. That's where I can begin to use logic, insight, advice from others, and discernment to weigh the options and make the best possible decision. I take comfort in knowing that most of these decisions are not irreversible. If I discover I made a poor choice, I can back track and correct my path. I might lose a little time, but I'm able to consider the first decision a learning experience.

What do you think? How do you go about making decisions?

Cleaning Out the Clutter

I suppose it's time to confess.....I hate cleaning! I don't like to live in filth either, but I cannot stand cleaning. Although my disorganization takes over in places like my bedroom, my lack of cleaning is most evident in my car -- also known as my office on wheels.

Since I spend so much time in my car you would think I would be more determined to keep it clean. The issue is not dealing with the trash....I don't mind picking up the mess and throwing stuff away. The problem is all of the other stuff:  books, musical scores, CDs, and sundry other things that are important. Once I clean them out of my car, I have to figure out WHERE IN THE WORLD to put them in my parents' house. Inevitably, I add these items to a growing stack already in the house and have to call that organization. (Contrary to popular opinion, I can generally find whatever I need in these stacks as long as no one decides to begin moving things around in an effort to helpfully "clean up!" I still have nightmares over such a "helpful hand" while writing my dissertation....I'm still trying to get over the stress that was created by lumping all of my papers into a single stack!)

My family is going on vacation in a few days and my car will be making the trip. Since my parents will both be in the car for an extended period of time with me, I knew that some housekeeping was necessary -- for their sakes as well as mine! Imagine my surprise when I looked under the passenger's seat and discovered three books that had been wedged underneath for several months. Now I know why I could never manage to find a clean Tupperware cup in the kitchen too....they were all in my car! The mess really wasn't that bad (I was shocked!) and I didn't have to figure out where too many things were going to reside. But it got me to thinking......how often do we avoid cleaning out the clutter of our lives because we don't want to deal with the mess that will be uncovered?

I've been doing a lot of emotional unpacking lately. I've been taking the time to deal with issues related to anger, hurt feelings, and sadness by "pulling out the junk" and daring to look at the root. It's not been a fun process and it's not been pretty. I've discovered some things that I didn't even realize I was harboring. Honestly, it's been rather painful. I've had to come face to face with betrayal, disappointment, and pain that I had pushed into the deepest corners of my being. Why push all of these emotions down so deep? I didn't know where to put the feelings without creating a visible mess in my life. Just as I don't want to deal with figuring out where to put the stuff that emerges from my car when I clean it out, I didn't want to have to address things in my life that I didn't have a clear shelf to put them on. When I finally realized that these stuffed emotions were beginning to push other good things out of my life, I knew it was time to clean house.

I can't tackle everything in a single sweep and expect to succeed. The cleaning is a slow process and it takes a lot of work. So I'm allowing myself to dive into one corner at a time, look at the trash, throw out what's unneeded, and store what I may need in the future. Then I rest and reflect on the progress I made in that area before moving to the next. Somehow I don't think the emotional cleaning process ever actually comes to an end, but it gets easier once I begin to maintain areas that have already been cleared of debris. Thankfully, I'm not doing this alone. My loving Heavenly Father enters the darkest corners with me, sits with me through the tears of frustration, shame, and anger, and then helps me find restoration and peace in life as I clear out the clutter that has accumulated.

If It Ain't Broke.....

Change is sometimes necessary. It breathes new life into old ideas. Change reveals better ways of accomplishing tasks. It stretches our imaginations as well as our perspectives of what is possible. Given all of the positive aspects of change, why do we fight against it so much?

This weekend, I attended the Metropolitan Opera's HD broadcast of Verdi's Rigoletto.  This piece holds a special place in my heart as it was one of the earliest operas I explored on my own. I was excited to see a wonderful production by one of the world's leading opera companies.  Somehow I had missed the  fact that director Michael Mayer had reset the opera in the Las Vegas desert of the 1960s. As I watched, I was enthralled by the lights and the creativity brought to the stage. I had to admit that the shift of era and locale worked, but the simple fact was that I did not like it! I wanted my Verdi in its traditional guise! The Duke of Mantua as a sleazy lounge lizard was simply too much of a stretch for me.

As I contemplated my reaction, I began to question why I embrace change in some areas while fighting against it in others. When it comes to music, I am very much a traditionalist. I welcome change in procedures in the office (especially when useless redundancy is eliminated). I don't want to do things in the same order in my class or worship service, but I revel in the stability of checklists. I am intrigued by new techniques in the visual arts, but don't ask me to sit through an avant-garde concert that sounds like rubbish to my ears.

I suppose I'm like most people. There are areas of my life that I want to see remain constant and familiar while I'm open to new ideas in others. I'm challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and explore the possibilities that change can bring. I'm not going to turn anything completely on its ear right away, but I'm hoping to be more open to it at least. Small steps, after all, lead to major changes and exciting journeys.