Stressed Out!

Life can be stressful sometimes. Issues pile up, we find ourselves completely unable to change things, and our head feels as though it could explode at any moment. A family member faces illness, problems occur at work, and nothing seems to be going right. Those we love turn into cranky monsters and people that should be helping are nowhere to be found. You feel powerless, deserted, and hopeless. Your stress level has reached it peak and you simply have to find ways to cope.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? While we all experience stress daily, these situations are not as common for most of us. We are totally "stressed out" and can't fathom having to add anything else to our already overloaded plates. As I write this post, I am coming down from the heights of being stressed out. While the experience is so fresh, I want to document some things I'm learning and want to make sure I remember the next time I'm "stressed out."

• No one is intentionally adding to your stress. In most cases, the people we interact with know very little of what's going on in the other areas of your life. They aren't getting the full picture of what you're dealing with in that moment. It's important to take their cliched "just relax" comments with a grain of salt. Adding anger to the equation is only going to result in an explosive situation.
• However, it is important to be honest with others. When a co-worker attempts to calm you with promises of a solution, it is perfectly acceptable to truthfully and rationally express your doubt and concerns.
• Speak frankly with those who can offer support. Your supervisor wants you to perform at maximum capacity and knows you cannot do so if you are overwhelmed. After calming a bit, feel free to communicate your frustrations with your superior, outlining the steps you have taken to solve the problem to this point. By writing it out, you may see the solution yourself. If no solution is clear, ask for advice or support. Remember that your boss only looks good when you look good.
• Accept situations beyond your control. While dealing with one of my major stresses at the moment, I learned that Dad unexpectedly needed to go to the doctor to have some blood work  done in preparation for an upcoming procedure. My initial response was not good; my day was further interrupted and something else had now landed in my lap. Somehow, sanity prevailed and I just took a deep breath. This issue had to have my immediate attention, so I just began to reschedule things. While my stress level wasn't immediately lowered, at least it wasn't going higher because of the unavoidable interruption.
• Recognize the power of release. I had held things together (and held my tongue for the most part) while I was in public. Once I was alone in my room, I knew a release was necessary and I allowed myself the opportunity to let it go. Some people may need to throw a ball against the wall for release. Others may cry. Still others need to scream at the top of their lungs! The manner of the release is not the focus; it is simply important to let the emotions escape.
• Pull away and recharge! I find that one of the most powerful tools I have in managing stress is to just be quiet and take care of myself. Whether you take a quiet walk or just climb into a nest of pillows, find a way to slow your pace and prepare to battle the stress tomorrow. Don't set a time limit for your escape either. If 45 minutes is enough, that's great! But give yourself permission to recharge until the next sunrise if necessary.
• Slowly return to your work. Rather than diving into the deepest areas of stress, gently reintroduce yourself to the tasks at hand. I find it's helpful to mark off a few of the easy items on my to-do list first. Often the momentum of accomplishment carries over into more challenging tasks.
• Accept offers to help. When people see our stress, they want to help if they can. Normally you also know whose offer is sincere and competent. Accept those offers when possible and get that task off of your plate so you can focus on another aspect of the job.

The Need to Be Needed

Everyone likes to get a pat on the back from time to time. We need to hear that we are doing a good job. We need to know that what we are doing is important and significant. Does this mean that we are all looking to have our egos stroked? Does it make us insecure and immature? I don't think so. I think this need for affirmation from others is because we all desperately want to know that our lives and our work has significance. We need to know that we are needed.

Words of affirmation are a powerful tool in the arsenal of successful leaders. A thoughtful word of praise lets me know that you noticed my effort. Affirmation encourages me to continue pursuing excellence. It lets me know that my presence makes a difference and that what I'm doing makes a difference. Affirmation means that I'm not just "showing up."

When affirmation is missing, I begin to wonder why I even bother. It makes me think that I'm not doing a good job. I begin to second guess myself, my abilities, and my significance. The joy I found in the activity is gone because I'm only seeing the negative. Many creative people (like me) are hard-wired to be extremely critical of themselves and their work; we fail to see the good because of all the things that could have been done better in a project.

On the flip side, however, is false affirmation. When a person consistently gives me the same affirmation without any thought or constructive criticism, I quickly become convinced that I'm nothing more than a body filling a void that any idiot could handle. There's nothing special that I bring to the table. In many ways false affirmation can be more harmful to productivity than missing affirmation.

What's gotten me thinking about the need to be needed? I received an email last week from a knowledgeable person who gave me some unsolicited feedback about a recent project. While I have received affirmation from this individual in the past, the words were genuine, thoughtful, and based on specific observations. Suddenly, I knew that my efforts were noticed and I began to feel invigorated! I started to ask myself what I can do to be even better in relation to this responsibility. The increased effort is not based on a desire to receive public praise or to boast in the affirmation; it's simply because I know that what I do matters!

It's amazing to think that an email that was composed in less than 15 minutes with no public acknowledgement made such a world of difference and will carry me for quite a while in regards to that responsibility. I began to wonder who I could affirm with a word of encouragement. Just think of the impact we could all make if we chose to offer honest words of affirmation to a deserving person every time we considered criticizing another. One set of words builds up and encourages while the other destroys, depresses, and divides. I need to know that I am needed and want to pass that same sense of significance to others I meet daily.

Is Faster Necessarily Better?

I have followed Oprah Winfrey for many years now. I always admired her willingness to tackle tough issues that some of her colleagues considered too hot to handle. When she created Oprah's Book Club, she started a sensation that got reluctant adult readers to explore the world of literature with new eyes. Now that her daily television show has ended, I was excited to see the Book Club re-invented as an online experience for book lovers.

One of my biggest personal complaints about reading is that I don't read as quickly as I would like. If a book is more than 250 pages, I can almost guarantee that it will take me longer than a week to get through it. When I received the latest email from Oprah's Book Club with an article entitled "6 Ways to Read Faster", I was intrigued. As I read on, I couldn't believe my eyes.

In a nutshell, "6 Ways to Read Faster" outlined the portions of a book to skip! Essentially, certain portions were considered unimportant, irrelevant, and a waste of time. I was mortified! As an artist, I find this idea insulting. The gifted craftsman who constructed the book carefully chose each word because of its significance and the imagery it generates.

Now the question becomes if speed (in reading or any other endeavor) is preferable to accuracy and integrity. In the world of reading, if the ideas presented on the page are not worth your full attention, I am certain that you can find something else that IS! Why would anyone want to waste their time reading material that is not applicable to them when shelves are lined with quality writing in all disciplines? I know that there are those of you who will argue that reading for pleasure doesn't demand the same type of attention as reading for knowledge. I respectfully disagree. In order to fully appreciate the tale the author is spinning, we must allow ourselves to be fully engulfed in the language and imagination that is being shared. Skipping portions is essentially taking a pair of scissors to the Mona Lisa and eliminating her famous smile because it is not significant!

I suppose I can come down from my soap box now....and dive back into the book I'm reading.

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