Trophies

Walk into any home, school, or place of business and you can immediately tell what achievements are most prized. How? The truth is clearly displayed in the form of trophies. Trophies can come in many shapes and sizes: bronzed figures, framed certificates, photographs, stuffed deer heads, and various knick-knacks find places of honor in homes around the country.

Displayed trophies remind us of success. While composing this post, a mounted deer's head overlooks the table in my cousin's home. My framed diplomas have prominent placement on my office walls. The car dealership I most recently visited proudly displayed awards for superior customer service in glass cases throughout the showroom. Each of these trophies show which accomplishments are highly valued by the owner.

However, no trophy will carry the same importance with every audience. My diplomas mean far more to me than they do to anyone else. People who are currently pursuing similar degrees have a positive response to these trophies. Friends and family who were present during the trials of my graduate studies find a different meaning in those framed papers. Some people see them as nothing more than an attempt to hold others in an inferior light.

Why do our trophies mean so much to us? Because no one else truly knows the work that was specifically involved in earning it. I have gone fishing before, but I don't know the fight that the bass hanging on the wall put up. Other pianists understand the preparation involved in preparing for competition, but they didn't share my experience with this specific piece in this particular moment in time that led to the trophy on the mantle. Even though we share our trophies with an audience, they are ultimately reminders for our personal benefit. They remind us that hard work pays off. They encourage us to push through challenges in order to reap reward. They give us a reason to celebrate...and the courage to try something new so we can renew the celebrating once again.

Listening....

Image - www.anglicanfrontiers.com

Sometimes it's easy to forget when blogging that people are actually reading what you're putting into cyberspace. I write about my life and experiences. I blog what is of interest to me at the moment. I make fun of myself and my family. I vent my frustrations and annoyances. I remind myself of important lessons that I've learned. In the past few weeks, I've had two reminders that others are reading these comments.

I have a professional blog, Collaborations, that I devote to all things related to music. I share stories about teaching music appreciation, performing, practicing, teaching, and church music issues. In early July, I posted a review of a new book about the music of the 18th century. The review was overall very positive. I mentioned that some of the theoretical discussions got in the way of my enjoyment of the study. Imagine my surprise while driving home from visiting family to receive an email from the book's author! The email was very short and kind; it also included suggested reading that might change my feelings about the theories I found confusing. I was thrilled. A notable figure in musicology had read my blog.....and I had said nothing extremely offensive! Whew! I replied to the email, thanking the author for his recommendations that I have added to my reading list. (Now I just need to find time to actually READ the books!)

Yesterday morning, I got another reminder. A woman from southern California posted a comment on my FaceBook fan page telling me how much she enjoyed reading my blog. She mentioned how refreshing it was to read about musical issues from a Christian perspective. I have never met this young woman although we share two mutual friends via FaceBook. There is no logical reason to explain our connection. At first, I was tempted to think the post was nothing more than spam. Then I compared her comments with the normal spam I deal with on the page. It was clear that she is a real visitor. Talk about an ego boost and a reminder that people are watching and reading! (See.....I really do read your comments and appreciate hearing from you!)

I enjoy blogging (which should be obvious by now) and strive to present thoughtful and inspiring material on a regular basis. I never want to present myself in any way that is not honest. I simply want to be myself. Sometimes that may come across as harsh or critical, but I hope that in everything I write my desire to be a godly man shines through.

Whether you are writing an email, a note to your children, or a blog, remember that someone is going to read your words and that they're listening to what you have to say. How will your words portray you today?

The Need to Be Needed

Everyone likes to get a pat on the back from time to time. We need to hear that we are doing a good job. We need to know that what we are doing is important and significant. Does this mean that we are all looking to have our egos stroked? Does it make us insecure and immature? I don't think so. I think this need for affirmation from others is because we all desperately want to know that our lives and our work has significance. We need to know that we are needed.

Words of affirmation are a powerful tool in the arsenal of successful leaders. A thoughtful word of praise lets me know that you noticed my effort. Affirmation encourages me to continue pursuing excellence. It lets me know that my presence makes a difference and that what I'm doing makes a difference. Affirmation means that I'm not just "showing up."

When affirmation is missing, I begin to wonder why I even bother. It makes me think that I'm not doing a good job. I begin to second guess myself, my abilities, and my significance. The joy I found in the activity is gone because I'm only seeing the negative. Many creative people (like me) are hard-wired to be extremely critical of themselves and their work; we fail to see the good because of all the things that could have been done better in a project.

On the flip side, however, is false affirmation. When a person consistently gives me the same affirmation without any thought or constructive criticism, I quickly become convinced that I'm nothing more than a body filling a void that any idiot could handle. There's nothing special that I bring to the table. In many ways false affirmation can be more harmful to productivity than missing affirmation.

What's gotten me thinking about the need to be needed? I received an email last week from a knowledgeable person who gave me some unsolicited feedback about a recent project. While I have received affirmation from this individual in the past, the words were genuine, thoughtful, and based on specific observations. Suddenly, I knew that my efforts were noticed and I began to feel invigorated! I started to ask myself what I can do to be even better in relation to this responsibility. The increased effort is not based on a desire to receive public praise or to boast in the affirmation; it's simply because I know that what I do matters!

It's amazing to think that an email that was composed in less than 15 minutes with no public acknowledgement made such a world of difference and will carry me for quite a while in regards to that responsibility. I began to wonder who I could affirm with a word of encouragement. Just think of the impact we could all make if we chose to offer honest words of affirmation to a deserving person every time we considered criticizing another. One set of words builds up and encourages while the other destroys, depresses, and divides. I need to know that I am needed and want to pass that same sense of significance to others I meet daily.

What's in a Name?

I tend to avoid being in large groups with people I don't know. I enjoy meeting new people, but situations like these always result in embarrassment for me because I am absolutely HORRIBLE learning people's names. I hate feeling that I know a lot about a person but cannot remember what to call them. You can imagine how frustrating this is in work situations. I work for a church and need to know who people are; as a professor, calling a student by name communicates that I am interested in their progress and value them as an individual.

Our name shares with the world our identity. I was named after two ministers who were important in my parents' lives early in their faith journey -- Kennith Staggs and Terrell Bishop. While I rarely use my middle name, I am reminded of the role that faith has played in my life since the beginning. (It's a family joke that my name was originally going to be Barbara Beth since the doctors were expecting a little girl! Still, the influence of these two families were to be memorialized through my name.)

As we mature and develop, our names become synonymous with our reputation. Depending upon the circle where my name is mentioned, it may bring to mind thoughts of a gifted pianist, tough teacher, worship leader, or cherished fraternity brother. Those closest to me may also use nicknames for me -- terms of endearment (mostly) that are reminders of our shared connection. I take pride in most of my nicknames and laugh at the memories of how they came to be. While family members refer to me as "Kenbo" and "Uncle Ken", college friends will refer to me as "Ken-eye-eth" (spelled KennIth), "Kennith with an I" and "Grandma." So there's no mistake, there are also some not-so-complimentary nicknames as well; some of them (that I'm aware of, at least) include "Queen of Nag" and "Hitler." Despite the negative connotations, I still take a certain amount of pride in them.

As I continue to struggle to learn the names of my students this semester, I am reminded of how important it is that I know my own name as a child of God! My Heavenly Father calls me beloved.....more than a conqueror......redeemed......joint heir with Christ. How I long today to walk in a full understanding of who He says I am. I hope to live my life in a way that allows the name Kennith Freeman to invoke thoughts of compassion, kindness, and genuine love to those I meet. Along the way, I hope to develop deeper relationships with other people as we learn each other's names (no matter how slowly!) and develop a personal meaning for each other's name.