What Will I Be When I Grow Up?

At some point, every child will ask themselves what they want to be when they grow up. Many are fascinated with the idea of becoming a policeman or a fireman. Some even dream of being a doctor so they can help people. It can be very entertaining to compare our childhood plans with the reality of our adult professions.

I never imagined that my life's work would be in the field of music. I have played classical piano since I was a child, but never wanted to pursue the concert stage. Honestly, I didn't realize that my job could be something that I enjoy so much. Even though things didn't turn out as my 8-year-old self imagined, there are a lot of similarities between those earliest hopes and the professional I have become.

When I was a child, I thought I would be....

• ....an elementary school teacher. I have always loved to learn new things. It was impossible to have too many books! I also learned from an early age that I liked explaining things to others and that I was pretty good at making things simple to understand. It took a long time before I would completely let go of this life plan. When things were becoming extremely challenging in my doctoral program, I actually entered a teacher education program and almost left the music industry behind. I continue to enjoy teaching children in the church and the piano studio. I can't entirely decide if it is the innocence of the child that I identify with or the fact that we have similar mentalities!
• .....or a college math professor. I loved working with numbers and math was always a favorite subject. My performance in those classes became more challenging as I entered my first high school class with a group of students that were simply not interested in learning. Unmotivated students resulted in a teacher who decided it was easier to simplify material than challenge the masses. In my present life, the age of the students I work with lines up with this childhood dream, but the subject matter is much more entertaining!
• .....or a writer. There was always something alluring about putting words on the page and being involved in the creation of books that I love so much. I suppose that this interest became the source of the blog that you are currently reading. I never developed the skills to weave an interesting fictional yarn and I intend to get impatient with research, so I left behind the idea of becoming an author. Now, my online writing keeps me entertained and helps me practice putting words together in an interesting (I hope) and informative manner.

Now that I've shared what I wanted to be when I grew up (although some would argue that I'm still attempting to grow up!), I would love to hear what you had dreamed about as a child. Feel free to share your stories in the comments below.

Back to Reality.....

It's time to face the fact that summer vacation can't last forever. The mornings of sleeping in are slowly coming to an end. The lazy days of relaxing on the couch while mindlessly watching television are a thing of the past. Now my thoughts are turned to organizing classes, reviewing literature, writing articles, and advising students. Students will begin arriving on campus next week for band camp; classes begin on the 24th.

It seems as though there is so much work to do to get ready for the fall. I find myself constantly adding new items to my to-do list because I can't afford to miss a step. If it were just the responsibilities of teaching classes, I think I would be okay. Currently, it's the items associated with my personal life and health that are demanding my attention. Everything is getting done.....slowly, but surely. I've just had to give myself permission to let things take a little more time to do than I normally anticipate as I continue to regain my energy and strength.

I suppose I've stalled long enough! It's time that I get "back to reality" and mark a few more things off my ever-growing list.

Reflecting on Year One

Today, I'm giving the last few final exams of my first year of teaching at WBU. It's been an adventure. I've learned a lot. I've made my share of mistakes, but also had a lot of successes. What kind of reflective learner would I be if I didn't pause at the end of this year and take a look back at what I've learned.

• I'm surrounded by awesome colleagues and students. I am reminded of this fact every day. Getting to spend time with these people and make music together is what makes going to work a pleasure most days. (Come on.....there are times we all do not want to crawl out of bed.)
• There's less collaborative work than I anticipated (and not as much as I'm used to). I knew this would be part of the change from adjunct to full-time faculty, but I really miss getting the opportunity to have so many interactions with students in private rehearsals as well as their lessons. I'm afraid this interaction will continue to decline in the future....and I'm really not excited for that at all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm wrong......
• Year One has been all about developing relationships and finding my place in the department. Being part of the faculty is about more than merely teaching assigned classes and performing with excellence. It's about connecting with other faculty members in meaningful ways and sharing ideas. It's about making yourself available to students -- in and out of the classroom -- so you have opportunity to pour Godly counsel into their lives as often as possible. I knew from the start I didn't just want to be a teacher that was out of touch. That's why my door is often open and why Thursday nights normally include a donut run. Since I'm finally in a faculty position, I want to be just as involved in the lives of my students as my professors were during my formative college years. (Thank you, Dr. Ferguson and Dr. Baird!)
• My schedule is extremely cyclical. There hasn't been much of a normal routine this year. Things tend to start with a bang of activity and then level off as classes get rolling. But watch out.....the craziness will return soon enough. Production week, other faculty travel schedules, and recruiting tours/events can make the schedule go from "nice and easy" to "insanely busy" in the blink of an eye. I'm just thankful that the insanity tends to be spaced out for the most part.
• At some point, colleagues forget that you're the newbie. In most ways, it's a wonderful event. There are those occasional moments when there is an event that you haven't done before -- and no one thought to give you the scoop. That's when "wingin' it" takes on a brand new meaning....and keeps the adventure fresh and exciting.
• All in all, Year One at WBU has just confirmed what I've already known. I'm now in the profession that I was designed for and I'm loving every minute of it!

Now.....it's time to finish up this semester and get a little rest over summer break!

Not Getting Paid As Promised!

I have gone back and forth about whether I should really write this post....but I finally decided to go ahead with it. I need to vent. After all, this is my personal blog....about my life and experiences.

Last month, I was contacted by a local high school to do some playing for an instrumental competition -- Texas UIL Solo and Ensemble. The rehearsal process involved several evenings of rehearsals. That's not exactly true. The evenings were spent teaching high school students to count basic rhythms, learning complex accompaniment parts, and twiddling my thumbs when these irresponsible students didn't show up for rehearsal slots they had reserved. I agreed to do it because I believe in music education and wanted to begin a solid relationship with the high school. The rate of $45 per student was quoted to my colleague and me for the rehearsals and performances. I needed the money......so I agreed to take on 20 students.

I've already vented about the insane amount of paperwork I had to complete for this gig, so I won't rehash that frustration. Still, I was beginning to wonder when I was going to actually see the money. I built my budget expecting to have the extra $900 in my account. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from the assistant band director yesterday telling me that he needed an invoice for the services before I could get paid. I can handle that with no problem.  But he further tells me that I will be paid $20/hour for rehearsal and $20/student for the performance. Students that didn't show up for the competition are being deducted from my compensation -- even though I already learned their music!  (Did I mention that I also had to sight read a piece at the competition with a student because his inept coaches gave him the WRONG BLASTED PIECE to play?!?!?) Before you think I'm complaining over a reduction of $5 per student, it's much more severe; student rehearsals were 7 minutes long!  In other words, I am being paid HALF of what I was quoted when I agreed to perform.

I don't know if this is a case of deception, poor communication, or incompetence. I'm in a pickle though. I can send the invoice for the correct amount and have my payment delayed longer because the amount was not approved by the district. When the assistant director was questioned, he said that he mistakenly quoted the amount for the state competition instead of the regional. Either way, because this was a verbal agreement, I don't have a leg to stand on for the promised rate of payment. Since services have already been rendered, I don't have anything I can withhold until I receive all of my money.

What does this mean for the future? I suppose I'll have to have a written contract that includes rate of payment before agreeing to play. I hate to become that person, but I have to protect myself and make sure that I'm receiving the payment I deserve and was promised.

Oh.....I forgot to mention that this same school has already asked me to accompany students at the state competition. I don't know how I can trust the institution to pay a fair amount after being stiffed. This is certainly not going to make me want to play for PISD in the future.

Paperwork is the Pits!

I absolutely love making music. I love getting to work with young students and presenting performances to showcase their hard work and talent. I love the fact that I get paid to make music daily. However, I hate filling out paperwork in order to get paid.

Let me give you a little background before I launch into this rant. I have been contracted to accompany a few instrumental students from Plainview High School for an upcoming competition this weekend. I did some similar work for another area high school a few weeks back as well. For that school, I simply had to provide my social security number and my fee; a check was cut and sent right away. That's the situation that I am used to when working as a contracted professional in high schools in Arkansas, Tennessee, California, and now -- Texas.

But wait! Plainview is going to need additional information. I spent a significant chunk of my lunch hour filling out a part-time job application -- did I mention that this job will involve a total of 8 hours of work by the time the contest is over? -- that was PAGES UPON PAGES in length. Come on! Do I really need to decline health insurance? How many times must I declare that I am a U.S. citizen? I understand that much of this is mandated by the federal government, but I find myself wondering if my short-term involvement actually requires all of this. Based on the comments of the employees that were trying to get all of the paperwork together, they were not entirely sure that it was necessary.....but their supervisors demanded it be done, so here we are. My work with the school district will most likely be done before this mass of paperwork is actually processed! This is insane! No wonder people shy away from getting involved with public school districts for short-term commitments.

Now that I've ranted about the lunacy of the situation, I'll accept the fact that I've lost those precious minutes of my life, chalk it up as another example of inane bureaucratic crap, and prepare to take a voided check back to the business office so I can actually get paid the money that I'm working to earn.

Settling into the Routine Again

 I'm finding it hard to believe that it's only the second week of the new semester at Wayland. I hit the ground running this term and there's been no looking back! I think I'm finally getting settled into the routine again.

I think part of the reason things are feeling so frantic at the moment is that my semester seems to be front-loaded. I will play 2 faculty recitals in the next 3 weeks....just before traveling to San Antonio for the TMEA conference. I've already submitted a short article for publication and given a final (closing out last term's grades, at last). To say that my plate is just a little full at the moment is an understatement.

Thankfully, I learned some things last semester. Experience is the best teacher sometimes. So I'm taking steps now to avoid pitfalls later in the term. There's lots of practicing, planning, and organizing going on in my little corner of the world right now. I'm hoping to get much of the lesson planning settled in the next few days so things don't go crazy once I start attending student voice lessons next week.

Despite the fact that I'm struggling to hit my stride at the moment, I'm having a blast....and wouldn't have it any other way! The break was nice for a few weeks, but I'm really ready to get back to the process of making music and learning a little more along the way.

What Do You Do?

Since starting my job this fall, I've repeatedly heard two questions.

• How do you like living in Texas?
• What exactly do you do?

I feel pretty confident that I have answered the first question. So let me give you -- especially my extended family and friends who know very little about musical training -- some insight into my work.

 

My official title is Assistant Professor of Piano at Wayland Baptist University. As you might guess, I spend the majority of my day sitting on a piano bench, but I switch hats throughout the day.

 

My primary teaching responsibility is the class piano sequence. Every student who studies music -- regardless of their principle instrument -- needs to develop basic keyboard skills. That's where my class comes in. Every non-pianist in the music program takes a 4-semester sequence that meets twice each week to build their piano skills. Much of our time is spent learning scales and chord progressions as we explore late elementary and early intermediate piano repertoire. After students complete the 4th semester of class piano, they take a benchmark exam to demonstrate their level of proficiency. The exam addresses solo performance as well as skills such as sight reading, transposition, and score reading. For many of our students, the proficiency exam is a major hurdle before they begin the upper division coursework in the field.

 

In addition to class piano, I currently teach applied piano lessons to one freshman woman. She is a early intermediate student who is not afraid of a challenge. We've had a lot of fun this semester, made some significant progress, and have already begun to plan our repertoire choices for the spring. I'm hoping to have the opportunity to do more private teaching as the piano program at WBU grows.

 

The rest of my week is filled with a lot of playing in rehearsals and lessons of all types. I currently work with eleven vocalists as well as the students enrolled in class voice. As the semester begins to wind down, instrumentalists are beginning to seek me out for accompaniments for their jury exams. At this point, I have received music from five of them. Monday and Wednesday afternoons find me spending 90 minutes with the men and women of Wayland Singers -- the department's non-auditioned choir. This week brings the end of the university's opera offering; we're mounting a production of The Mikado. Those who have known me the longest will be surprised to hear that my time in opera workshop is some of my favorite times of the week.

 

Then there's all the work that comes outside of the classroom and rehearsal studio. Thankfully, I was not assigned to any standing committees during my first semester of work. That has allowed me some time to do some recruiting (phone calls and emails take more time than you would ever expect). I'm working on a new course that will be offered in the spring. I could go on and on about student recitals, NATS competitions, LMTA meetings, master classes, and student rehearsals....but I think you get the picture. I've found myself very busy and very fulfilled.

 

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Impressions of West Texas

Last week, I made my way to Plainview, Texas for a job interview. Plainview is a small town in the Texas panhandle, between Amarillo and Lubbock. Although I have driven through the area before, I haven't spent much time there. I don't necessarily know what I expected to find when I visited, but here were my first impressions of the region.

• The sun is always shining! Apparently after I left, a major storm rolled through the area. While I was in town though, I was struck by how late the sun set. From what I understand, this area is on the western border of the Central Time Zone. That means that the sky was still bright as dusk approached around 8:30pm! I quickly appreciated the importance of black-out drapes in my hotel room.
• Things are very flat in Texas. I don't think there was a single hill in sight. It wasn't a desert either.....although everyone I met commented on how lucky I was to come after the rains had made things look so green. In a lot of ways, the topography reminded me of home.
• History is important to the community. I thought it was charming to observe how the old town co-existed next to the modern. The historic downtown was actively being developed. It was nice to see businesses succeeding in this part of town.
• Texans are really friendly and welcoming. I've spent lots of time in the Houston area throughout my life, but I was really impressed with the general spirit of the people I encountered in Plainview. People were warm and it seemed as though an attitude of "live and let live" was practiced by the majority of the citizens.
• City and country can co-exist. Plainview is not a bustling metropolis by any means. It's not just a spot-on-the-map either. The city had a nice, relaxed feel that you would find in small town America while still offering some of the conveniences of the city. And to make life even better, it's comforting to know that both Lubbock (population 239,000) and Amarillo (population 196,000) are relatively short drives away.

It looks as though I'll have some exploring to do as I begin the next chapter of my life as a resident of Plainview, Texas! There's a lot of work to be done in the next month preparing for my move, but I'm certain I'll have plenty of stories to tell as I continue Livin' Life.

What motivates you?

Each day, we need motivation. Whether we are trying to accomplish a task we've put off too long or to make improvements in our career, we simply have to have a desire to do the job. Some people are motivated simply by seeing the need. It seems to me that many "creatives" need an extra push from time to time to do a task because our minds are constantly creating new projects that steal our focus. In an effort to learn more about myself, I decided to take a step back and look at the things that seem to motivate me to do some tough assignments.

1. New opportunities. At first, I thought this was a detriment to my personal motivation. An opportunity arises to explore new areas or ideas. Strangely, the excitement of something new and creative encourages me to put in the required effort to close a project that has been lingering as well. 
2. Positive results. Nothing gets me ready to work and willing to try something new like seeing that the process works! I will spend more time at the piano bench if I notice a definite improvement in the passage I'm working on. I can sort through stacks of mail (or laundry or books) as long as I can see that I'm making a dent in the mountain. When a student begins to display understanding of a concept that he's struggled with for some time, I'm suddenly encouraged to continue developing new ideas because I've had success.
3. Affirmation. Tell me that you have noticed my work and that you appreciate it and I'll accomplish more than either of us anticipated. Affirmation doesn't just have to come from a person in a supervisory role either. A colleague can offer encouragement as well as a student and even an outside observer. 
4. Knowing that my efforts are making an impact on someone else. This is probably the most valuable motivating factor for me. If I see a student or colleague benefiting from my efforts, I'll keep pushing. When a parent tells me what a difference I am making in the life of their student, I'm ready to move Heaven and Earth to continue the success. 

Those are some of my motivating factors. What things motivate you to action more than anything else? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

The Stress of Financial Insecurity

Most people reading my blog know that I have been in the job hunt for several years now. I've been fortunate enough to live with my parents while I pursue a full-time position. Piecing together several part-time positions has allowed me to pay the bills (most of the time) while doing the work that I love. Still, I have become an expert on the stress that comes from financial insecurity.

One of the most trying aspects for those in my circumstance is the constant uncertainty. Part-time positions can change without warning. Income that was essential to your survival can be severely slashed -- or completely wiped out -- and there is nothing you can do about it. Since there is no job security for the part-timer, there is the constant pressure to accept every opportunity to earn a little income that comes your way. Sometimes these "jobs" add to the stress. Because the employer knows you are desperate, they also know that you will work for much less than you deserve. This results in your hard work being under-compensated and leads to abusive working environments that you must endure because your checkbook demands it.

As the challenges of financial uncertainty continue, everything becomes a major hurdle in life. Sickness -- even something as simple as a sinus infection -- can send the monthly budget into a tailspin. A major illness will often be ignored because we don't want to deal with the stress of figuring out how we will pay for the treatment. Let's not even begin to think about issues related to car or house repairs. A broken appliance or a brake replacement requires significant sacrifice. The only problem is that sacrifices are already being made in other areas. The next cut will have to come from an area that is truly a necessity. "Have you ever tried to get blood out of a turnip?"

If the financial struggle lingers, it becomes easy to find yourself in self-doubt. What's wrong with me that I can't get a job? Am I wrong to pursue my dreams? At what point do I give up my dream and settle for a desk job as a pencil pusher? Will this ever end? Will I ever know what stability and self-reliance is? It's easy to see that people in similar situations can easily find themselves spiraling into the depths of depression because of the apparent hopelessness of their situation. (While I don't consider myself currently depressed, I have dealt with the disease in the past and am constantly on alert for its reappearance in my life.)

Thankfully, the situation is not entirely hopeless. I don't know when I'll find a job that gives me security. I don't know what the future will demand in regards to my career choice. In spite of everything I don't know about my financial situation, I do know this one thing -- my Heavenly Father cares for me and has promised to take care of my needs. I may not see how my needs are going to be met and I may not understand why I have to face this challenging time, but I know that He can be trusted to keep His promises. Right now, the only thing I have is to base my hope solidly on these words of Jesus:

Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: they don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? . . . . But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow... (Matthew 6:25-27; 33-34, HCSB)

So here I am.....trusting and waiting.....
~Kennith

Looking for Inspiration?

Creative people are constantly looking for inspiration. Normally inspiration is easy to find and the music, thoughts, and language flows freely. But what about those times when it seems that nothing moves you? Where do you begin to look to restore the creative juices? Here are a few of my faithful places to "visit" when I need to find fresh inspiration.

• Life adventures. Whether the memory is funny or tragic, reflecting on past experiences can often inspire my creativity. Many times I discover past emotions that I have not fully explored. Other times I find myself focusing on things that I want to make sure I never forget.
• Current frustrations. I know it sounds strange, but thinking about the things that frustrate me most often serves as the beginning of fresh inspiration. Since I don't like the situation, perhaps it is time to address it through my music. Maybe a solution to the problem can be presented in my writing. The inspiration may lead to discovering something in myself that serves as a launching pad for a new creative venture.
• Questions that need answers. All sorts of questions may spark creative inspiration and tend to be a good place to search for freshness. Your questions may range from "What is the answer to poverty?" to "Why don't I like onions?" or even "What is my purpose in life?" The inspiration isn't found in the answers themselves, but in the process of searching for the answer.
• Reading a good book. It's no secret that I love to read. In a book, the author introduces me to new people, places, and philosophies. As I read, my mind begins to explore....and creativity bursts to life.
• Other people. I find that many extremely creative people can sometimes prefer avoiding the crowds. For me, I can normally find inspiration by interacting with other people and simply listening to their stories and opinions about things. Before too long, my mind and heart respond and I'm on to a new project.
• My faith. The source of all creativity is found in the heart of the Creator of Heaven and Earth. When I'm desperate for inspiration, I find myself returning to the precepts of Scripture and my personal relationship with a loving God.

How do you find inspiration when the well has run dry? Please share your approaches in the comments below.

If I Had Another Career...

I absolutely love my job! It is thrilling to make music on a daily basis in various styles and settings. I didn't always plan on being a pianist. As a child, I thought I would be a teacher. I'm luck that I get to live out my childhood dream of teaching as well as continuing to develop my own skills as a performer and musician.

While commuting to a morning rehearsal last weekend, I began to wonder what I might be doing if I hadn't found my way to music. What careers do I think I would have liked to try?

What I quickly realized is that I have developed multiple interests and skills throughout my life. I narrowed the list to four careers I think I might have enjoyed exploring.

Since I like to read and write so much, work as an editor would be fun. I'm fascinated by the process of raising questions that help an author find focus, clarifying their message. Along the same lines, my joy in helping others became the best person they can be makes me consider work as a counselor. I have experienced a bit of peer counseling while serving in ministry. I enjoyed seeing people consider new options that led to changes. My frustrations in ministry were often associated with people continuing down destructive paths.

I have become a planner and organizer in recent years. I have gotten to plan several vacations for my family and really enjoyed doing it. Since I value rest and relaxation so much, work as a travel agent might have been a good fit. I would probably spend the majority of my income visiting destinations of all sorts in the name of job-related research!

My mother has instilled a love of experimenting in the kitchen. I've also developed quite a sweet tooth. Why not become a pastry chef? There would only be a few downsides -- the fact that I would only be able to wear pants with elastic waistbands and that I would have to wash the dishes more frequently!

Even though these careers seem as though they would be fun at first, I think I will stick to my life as a musician as long as I am physically (and financially) able. After all, it is the work that I was created for, so nothing else could ever be as fulfilling!

On the Road Again

I spend a lot of time in my car. While I'm still waiting, hoping, and praying for a full-time position, I'm making the best of things and piecing together a career with a few part-time jobs. On most days, I drive 85 miles one way to work. The miles add up, but I'm finding that the benefits of all of my driving greatly outweigh the negative aspects.

My drive time forces me to stay organized. It's no longer an option to run home and pick up a file that I forgot. To get everything done, I have to keep my eyes on the big picture throughout the week and constantly plan ahead. That means I'm practicing when I'm near a piano, grading papers at the computer, and returning phone calls on the road. My time has become very valuable and not something I can afford to waste.

My commute also helps me maintain my daily routine. If I'm going to make it to my next appointment on time, I have to stay on schedule. This necessity demands that I effectively manage my time and that I work smarter. I only have certain hours at MSCC; while I'm there, I have to identify tasks that need immediate attention while avoiding distractions. When I have a short break at Union, I have to identify the passage of music that will most benefit from a few minutes of practice or acknowledge that my body needs a rest before moving to my next project.

What I love most about my drive time is that I get to spend time in a personal sanctuary on wheels. As the road passes under me, I have quiet time to spend with my thoughts, my prayers, and my God. It's a wonderful opportunity to meditate on Scriptures, work out lesson plans, sort through my thoughts, or just listen to the beautiful sound of silence. My time on the road allows me to change hats and prepare for the next task that is ahead.

Don't get me wrong…..there are days that I really don't want to drive another mile. Those days are few and far between because I know that this situation is only for a season. There will come a day (hopefully in the not-too-distant future!) when I will long for the break in my work day that commuting provides. Until that time arrives, I'll keep my seat belt fastened and my cruise control set as I enjoy my quiet times traveling along the roads of Tennessee.

Wishing and Hoping

It's hard to believe, but summer vacation is finally coming to an end. Where did the lazy days go? Between family travel, visits to various doctors, and taking a huge step of faith, I don't necessarily feel like I got a lot of time to rest. At the same time, I'm really looking forward to getting back into the classroom. Surprising, huh?

After so many semesters of being micromanaged and told what to teach, I'm really looking forward to going into a classroom where I've been told I'm in charge. My job is to teach the material to my students in the way that will best benefit them. I wasn't handed a pre-formulated syllabus that told me how many points the course had to contain and what types of assignments I had to give. It's refreshing to be offered the opportunity to teach what I know by an institution that acknowledges my competence and trusts me. What impact does this have on me? It means I'm busting my butt to do a good job and I'm excited to teach. That excitement is contagious and my students are going to benefit because of it (even if they don't realize it immediately). There's a lesson to be learned there about stifling employees, I think. Too bad I don't expect that those who most need to learn the lesson will do so anytime soon. C'est la vie!

Now I find myself holding my breath, wishing and hoping. I'm hoping for a good semester. I'm wishing for classes filled with students that are ready to be engaged with the content. I'm hoping those students are found in all six classes that start next week. Actually, I'm hoping that the Saturday class doesn't have enough students enrolled to make. (How did I get conned into teaching a class on Saturday morning again?)

Oh well......we'll keep our fingers crossed and see what happens. In the meantime, I'll keep my eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. The end comes sometime in early December!

Here We Go!

I am still in denial. I don't want to accept the fact that August is here again. That means it's time to start prepping for another semester of teaching. This has gotten to be a normal routine and not too difficult. This year, however, I'm facing a couple of new challenges.  All I know is that both of these should be interesting and provide some entertainment in the months ahead.

The first new challenge comes at Mid-South Community College. This semester I'll be returning to my teaching of College Survival Skills. If you've spoken with me very much about teaching, you know this is a class that I have DESPISED teaching in the past. The major problems were results of course content, technology issues, and lack of clear expectations for the faculty. Since the program has undergone a total transformation at the hands of a gifted faculty director, I have high hopes for the program at the moment. Faculty members will function as advisors and mentors to the students, a fact that I think will result in better dialogue between students and teachers. The only downside for me is that I have been assigned the Saturday morning section of the course. Ugh! I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about this by acknowledging that I'll be done with my teaching at 10am and have the rest of the weekend to myself. We'll just have to see if I can maintain the same positive outlook for the next 16 weeks! As this post is being published, I am sitting in the first of several training sessions for the faculty members teaching College Survival. (Just so there's no misunderstanding, I schedule my posts to publish at 10am on MWF. I've not been blogging while in the seminar!)

The more exciting (and frightening) new challenge will take place at Union University. This fall I will teach the third semester of the class piano sequence. There are two sections of the course that I'm scheduled to cover. I'm excited because I'm finally getting to teach a major course in my discipline. I'm frightened nervous because I've done a limited amount of class piano teaching in graduate school. I know I'm capable of successfully teaching the course and look forward to the challenge. I just have to get my mind wrapped around what's ahead and begin planning for a new course.

For those of you doing the math, that's 2 new courses (3 sections total) added to 3 sections of music appreciation as well as continuing as one of Union's staff pianists. That's 6 classes! I'm thrilled! I'm also going to be a very busy man who is going to be burning up the roads between West Memphis and Jackson. For now, I wouldn't have it any other way either.  I suppose the only thing to say is that it's almost time for the craziness insanity fun to begin!

The Need to Be Needed

Everyone likes to get a pat on the back from time to time. We need to hear that we are doing a good job. We need to know that what we are doing is important and significant. Does this mean that we are all looking to have our egos stroked? Does it make us insecure and immature? I don't think so. I think this need for affirmation from others is because we all desperately want to know that our lives and our work has significance. We need to know that we are needed.

Words of affirmation are a powerful tool in the arsenal of successful leaders. A thoughtful word of praise lets me know that you noticed my effort. Affirmation encourages me to continue pursuing excellence. It lets me know that my presence makes a difference and that what I'm doing makes a difference. Affirmation means that I'm not just "showing up."

When affirmation is missing, I begin to wonder why I even bother. It makes me think that I'm not doing a good job. I begin to second guess myself, my abilities, and my significance. The joy I found in the activity is gone because I'm only seeing the negative. Many creative people (like me) are hard-wired to be extremely critical of themselves and their work; we fail to see the good because of all the things that could have been done better in a project.

On the flip side, however, is false affirmation. When a person consistently gives me the same affirmation without any thought or constructive criticism, I quickly become convinced that I'm nothing more than a body filling a void that any idiot could handle. There's nothing special that I bring to the table. In many ways false affirmation can be more harmful to productivity than missing affirmation.

What's gotten me thinking about the need to be needed? I received an email last week from a knowledgeable person who gave me some unsolicited feedback about a recent project. While I have received affirmation from this individual in the past, the words were genuine, thoughtful, and based on specific observations. Suddenly, I knew that my efforts were noticed and I began to feel invigorated! I started to ask myself what I can do to be even better in relation to this responsibility. The increased effort is not based on a desire to receive public praise or to boast in the affirmation; it's simply because I know that what I do matters!

It's amazing to think that an email that was composed in less than 15 minutes with no public acknowledgement made such a world of difference and will carry me for quite a while in regards to that responsibility. I began to wonder who I could affirm with a word of encouragement. Just think of the impact we could all make if we chose to offer honest words of affirmation to a deserving person every time we considered criticizing another. One set of words builds up and encourages while the other destroys, depresses, and divides. I need to know that I am needed and want to pass that same sense of significance to others I meet daily.

Back in the Saddle Again!

My family and I returned from vacation yesterday and dutifully had to get back to our respective jobs today. Why is it so hard to get going again after a season of rest? Personally, I was very blessed today since I didn't have to go to any of the "offices", but got to work from home.

What's hardest to believe is that school jumps right back into session on Monday morning! That means I've put my syllabus together, decided what new things I want to try out in this abbreviated session, and begun to get things ready to go for a new group of students. After the challenging group I faced in the spring term, I am definitely hoping for a better experience for all in the summer session.

Since I'm still in vacation mode, I knew immediately that I was going to need some help being productive today. That means I pulled out the legal pad and created a manageable to-do list and got to work marking things off. I've not had to go at it too hard today, but I've managed to mark several important things off. There are still a few things on the list as the day is winding down, but I'm hoping to put them all to bed before going to bed myself. That way I can start tomorrow with a fresh list and move forward! Now I just have to remember to put things like "go to the gym" on the list.....

Sabbatical

By now, I'm sure that a formal announcement has been made and I can publicly state that I am currently taking a sabbatical from my duties at Abundant Grace Ministries. There are reasons for the time away, the main one being that I need some time to recover from ministry burnout. Just to put any rumors to rest, I have not quit, I am not upset at anyone, and I was not asked to leave my position. (Why is it that rumors can sometimes find the most fertile ground in a church setting?)

What do I plan to do while I'm not at AGM? I'll continue my responsibilities at Union University and Mid-South Community College. More importantly, I'll be taking time for resting, reflecting, and praying. I'm not too proud to say that I'm emotionally wasted and need a chance to recharge my batteries and put some past hurts behind me. Plans are being made to take some long weekend trips as well as spend some quality time with my family. Who knows, I may pop into your neck of the woods in the coming months....

Taking a sabbatical doesn't mean that I stop living or that I stop doing things. It just means that the responsibilities of the ministry position are not on my shoulders or my mind at this point. I'm only a week into the time off and I have to consciously remind myself to avoid things related to my job. For example, I visited the Lifeway Christian store on the campus of Union University last week. I was there looking for a new Bible (more on that later this week). I had some time to kill before my next appointment and I couldn't read another page of my novel -- my eyes can only take so much! I was browsing the store and caught myself wandering into the teaching resources. I laughed out loud as I reminded myself that finding material of this nature was someone else's responsibility for the next little while. I wondered back into the safety of looking at Bible studies (I was choosing one for my personal use), made my selection, and headed to the car.

I am extremely thankful for a wonderful church family and caring Pastor who have generously allowed me to take this sabbatical in order to return to my ministry responsibilities fully rested and refreshed. I'll return to work at AGM on July 15. Until then, I'm taking a few extra deep breaths as I stop to smell the roses.

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Spring is in the Air

Even though the weather doesn't necessarily suggest it's Spring right now, I can see the rebirth of nature all around. When I walked out of the house this morning, I was greeted by four birds perched on the wooden handrail near the porch. They quickly fluttered away, but at least I was reminded of the end of the long Winter and the promise of life returning to the earth. When I got to my car, the orange glow of pollen covering my dirty red car explained why I had sneezed so much this morning. I wasn't thrilled about that part, but the presence of pollen means that flowers and trees will be bursting into bloom soon. Of all seasons, Spring is probably my favorite.

I love watching everything that had been dormant and barren all Winter long returning to its glory and natural beauty. Many of the plants and animals have experienced a sort of hibernation during the cold months. They were patiently waiting -- feverishly anticipating -- the return of the sun and the warmth that it brings. Even before Spring fully explodes, we begin to quickly see signs that life is returning and beauty will replace the barrenness.

There are also seasons of the soul. Our lives move through cycles that include periods of beauty as well as difficult and challenging circumstances. Sometimes the Winter of the soul seems so long and we begin to wonder if Spring will ever appear. When will we begin to hear the sweet song of the Dove again? How much longer before we can bask in the glow of fair weather? For the past several months I've been living in a personal Winter. It's not been fun, but I know that Spring is in the air. What does Spring bring with it? Freshness, energy, life, and hope! I see the signs.....Spring is just around the corner!

The days of my soul's Winter aren't over yet, but I am confident that the weather is changing and Spring will return soon. Today I finally had the opportunity to sit and look around for signs of emotional rebirth. I'm looking forward to Spring arriving -- in both its incarnations -- and am anxious to see the beauty that will break through all the dry dusty ground.

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Recovering...

It's been a busy few weeks for me. Lots of performing and grading. I was able to escape for a few days before coming home to face the responsibilities of Holy Week.  Now that Easter has come and gone, I'm getting to enjoy a little time of recuperation.

My recovery will have to be quick though, as I return to Union tomorrow to pick up rehearsals before traveling to Western Kentucky University this weekend to play at the regional NATS competition. After NATS is over, my focus returns to the classroom and finishing another semester of instruction with my students at the end of April.  May means I'll turn in grades early in the month before playing for voice boards (aka juries) at Union.  Once May 12 rolls around, I'll be done for a few weeks....and plan to take a little more time to devote to recovery.

Of course, my life doesn't just include the things I've mentioned here.  There's still another recital later this month, opera workshop, and lots of playing on departmental recitals in additional to my regular responsibilities at the church. I suppose I can't forget about family commitments either (although I would like to sometimes! Ha!) I'm not complaining. It's the life that I have chosen....and I really do enjoy it.....most of the time! When the calendar starts to get full and things begin to conflict with each other (which seems to be happening more and more this semester), I find myself stressed out and looking for any moment of rest I can find. So I'm gonna head back to my mindless activities for the rest of the day, try to rest a bit more, and look forward to another departure (hopefully more extended) on May 13.