Control Freak Craziness!

Controlling people grate on my nerves.  You know the type I'm talking about.....their idea is the only valid option.....if things aren't done as they had envisioned, it will be trashed (or in the least trash-talked). In my world, I find myself working with "control freaks" on a regular basis. Even though it drives me crazy, I've learned to let it roll off of my back -- most of the time, anyway.

Knowing this, it should come as no surprise that this passage from The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky leapt off the page when I read it a few nights ago.

My sister tried to clarify things.  She said that by introducing me to all these great things, Mary Elizabeth gained a "superior position" that she wouldn't need if she was confident about herself.  She also said that people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want.  (Chbosky, 106)

Isn't that interesting? Those who constantly pursue control are pursuing a "superior position" that is merely a perceived authority. It's not just a hunger for power; sometimes it can be an innate need to establish their own self-esteem. Perhaps that explains why so many artistic individuals are such controlling people. As we continuously create and allow the final product to be reviewed by our audience, a bit of our confidence dies with each negative review.

Did you notice that the controller is also constantly trying to introduce others to "great things." The assumption is that these ideas are brand new and could not have been conceived by anyone else. Perhaps a gentle reminder is in order here:  "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."  (Ecclesiastes 1:9, NIV) I don't have anything else to say on that matter.

Finally, there is a fear of releasing their control. Controlling people are certain that things will not work out if they do not keep a firm grip on the situation...and all of the people involved in it. In my experience, controlling people find themselves shouldering heavy loads because they won't allow anyone else to help and because those who are willing to help quickly run for the hills when the control becomes too oppressive.

I didn't expect to find a leadership lesson hidden in the pages of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, but there it was. I definitely have some things to work on in relation to this issue personally. I also have a better understanding of some situations and can clearly identify the controlling aspects that most cause me to avoid working with these leaders.