When Words Won't Come

The cursor flashes on the blank screen. I try to write a few words, but they aren't right. Backspace, backspace, backspace. I stare at the flashing dash as it taunts me to try again. I know I have something to say. I know that it is worth the effort. I just don't know how to start. Words simply won't come!

I have agreed to attempt a couple of writing projects that are larger than my everyday blogging. I have thought about the topics. I have formed my opinions. I have done the preliminary research. With a deadline looming and no clarity about where the writing will take me, I stare at the screen in fear. For some reason, I feel as though words that are actually typed carry weight and permanence. As soon as I acknowledge this false opinion, I go back to the "tried and true" method of writing. I grab a pen and a legal pad. Suddenly, words are pouring onto the page and the writing process doesn't seem as intimidating.

I can't explain why, but I find something comforting about literally putting pen to paper. I suddenly give myself permission to write in disconnected fragments. What surprises me the most about the process is how my mind quickly organizes the chaos in the act of writing by hand. Connections I was not previously aware of begin to be illuminated and the pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place. 

It's been a long time since I have struggled to this degree with a writing assignment. I have to admit that I started with the project that was most interesting to me and that I knew would ultimately be successful. The one that remains has me intimidated. I'm not an authority on all aspects of this topic and that has me second-guessing myself. Add to that the stress that the paper is of more of a formal nature and you can begin to understand that procrastination is hard at work. So I suppose it's time to find some quiet time in the office this weekend when no one is around and just begin to spill my thoughts onto my legal pad and see what comes out. I'm hoping to be surprised at the final product.