Finding Moments of Escape

Privacy and quietness are prized possessions of the introvert. These golden treasures can also be horribly elusive. The roar of the television, the incessant dialogue about "nothing", and the demand to do life scream for our focus and attention while our inner self is crying out for a moment to solitude. At times, the introvert's attempts to escape the maddening crowd can be viewed as rudeness. We are accused of wanting to be a hermit. As a self-proclaimed introvert, here are a few ways that I have found to grab moments of escape without offending others (most of the time....)

• Quietly disappear. Many times it is really that simple. When you find yourself becoming stressed by the crowd, quietly walk away without explanation or theatrics. This allows the "crowd" to continue their fun without worrying about you.
• Set a timer and relax. When the "crowd" is more intimate and an extended absence would be more noticeable, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and escape. Do whatever brings you peace -- reading, listening to music, meditating, or lying down -- without guilt. The knowledge that the timer will recall you to the scene when necessary allows your mind to rest and gives your introvert the break that is desperately needed.
• Prepare an answer for your return. If your absence was noticed, you want to have an honest answer ready for the concerned. A short response like "I needed to catch my breath" allows you to tell the truth without making others present feel uncomfortable or guilty. As you spend more time with the group, they will become more accepting of your short escapes and the questions will come less frequently.

It is also possible to minimize the frequency of your need to escape from the crowd. Preparing yourself mentally for the "crowd" in advance can be extremely helpful. This includes estimating how long you need to be present before leaving and looking forward to smaller, more personal interactions within the larger setting. I also find it helpful to regularly schedule "mental health" escapes. These might include a trip to the movies or a local museum alone; a relaxing afternoon in the park or local library can also provide a calming escape from the normal hustle and bustle. Lastly, speak honestly with trusted friends and family about your occasional need for escape. People tend to be more understanding and accepting than you expect and can provide cover for you when you find yourself needing to retreat momentarily.


Being an introvert is not an illness; it's just the way we are wired. It's not right or wrong. It's just you (and me). Accept and love yourself in spite of the "awkward" situations you find yourself in and consistently learn new ways to cope with your need to be alone sometimes.