Introvert

I just realized on Monday that this post never went live.  Here it is.....a few weeks after I wrote it, but still something I want to keep in mind.  KF
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As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am. Who I REALLY am....not who people perceive me to be. One of my characteristics that many do not really understand (and misunderstand) is that I am an introvert at the core. I would much rather spend time with my own thoughts.

Is my introversion a result of nature or nurture? I think it's a little of both actually. Although I am the youngest of three children, 10 years separate me from my nearest sibling. For all practical purposes, I was raised as an only child. Combine this fact with the many hours spent alone on a piano bench perfecting my craft and you begin to understand. In my formative years, running around with friends was not a compelling draw. Instead, I was most comfortable and at peace when I was alone with my thoughts and ideas.

Over the years, I have also developed a passion for reading fiction. Originally this love for books came about because I really didn't have many opportunities to develop strong friendships. (This also explains why my grades in college suffered tremendously. I was meeting more people than ever before who I had things in common with and didn't take enormous pleasure in ridiculing me for the first time. Suddenly, I had no time for reading at all!) Once again, I am returning to books as I find that many of my closest friends are not near by. Since I don't enjoy telephone calls at all (more on that in a future post), I read and reflect.

Does this mean I don't like people? Certainly not! I treasure friendship greatly, but I'm very selective in who will get into my most inner circle of friends. Since I spend so much time alone, I'm comfortable in that situation.....so I don't feel it necessary to be around people. Many who think they are "close" to me don't realize that they really aren't. Honestly, there is a very small group of people -- maybe 8 people -- who ever get to see me without any walls or editing.

How has my introversion effected my social skills? Since I haven't had a ton of practice over the years in social settings, I tend to be rather awkward in them. This makes me uncomfortable and nervous, so I tend to avoid social situations. However, once you are a trusted friend who has proven that you accept me just as I am (expecting nothing in return from me at all), I will gladly explore the world with you. If I'm with a friend, there aren't many places that I won't go at least once.  (Hogs and Heifers in NYC or Shamu spotting in Honolulu, anyone?)

How do I manage to speak in front of groups? It's all part of the performer in me. It's a skill that is needed and that I have developed over the years. Planning in advance, I can speak in front of anyone. It's when I need to speak off the cuff about things that I either know very little about or passionate care about that I begin to get tongue tied.

My shyness is often mistaken for aloofness and snobbery. I find that normally the people making these accusations are either threatened by me in some way or incapable of conceiving of the fact that they are not the center of everyone's universe. Regardless of the reason, my quietness doesn't mean that I am disrespecting you. My refusal to socialize with you should not be taken as a personal affront. I am just being true to myself and investing my time in things that bring me the greatest amount of pleasure.