I Resolve....

Now that we are a week into 2013, I'm finally ready to commit to my resolutions for the year. I guess I had to take things slowly and thoughtfully since making a public announcement makes me more accountable.  Some of these will be observable by everyone who knows me; the accomplishment of others will be things that only God and I will know.  Here's goes nothing......

1. Increase my personal reading.  Some of you are probably aware that I maintain another blog, Reading for Me, that details my path towards recapturing reading for personal fulfillment and pleasure.  The ultimate goal is to read 52 books in a single calendar year.  2012 saw the greatest number of books in a single year with 32.  My goal is to read at least 33 books in 2013.....but hopefully more!  The most difficult time of year to maintain my reading is when school is in session. Although I love the sensation of holding a book in hand, I am attempting to use my iPad as my primary reading device.  I hope this will enable me to continue reading even when I only have a few moments to spare throughout the day.
2. Lose 20 pounds.  This goal has caused me the most difficulty.  I want to set a goal that is achievable, but not too easy either.  In the summer of 2012, I began working with a personal trainer. With all of the ups and downs that the year brought, I have netted a total weight loss of 8 pounds.  Diet is a struggle when I'm on the road.....and keeping a consistent workout regiment is tough when I'm not at home.  To help with this process, I moved my gym membership today to Anytime Fitness;  Anytime also has a facility in Jackson, Tennessee.  Now I just have to get my mind in gear to workout when I'm working away from home.  You can follow my progress in my weight loss journey on my most sporadically published blog Just Have to Start Somewhere.
3. Write on a more regular basis.  Seeing that I have four blogs, it should be clear to most people that I enjoy writing. I don't necessarily think I have anything of tremendous value to share....it's just therapeutic to put my thoughts down and share with anyone that actually wants to read. Like my personal reading, I've struggled with maintaining a regular schedule when school is in session. I think I was trying to publish too regularly.  So I've changed my approach and am hoping for good things.  I intend to publish posts on Reading for Me and Just Have to Start Somewhere when needed....no regular schedule there.  This blog is the oldest of them all and the one that I think I owe the most writing to.....so I hope to write here 2 or 3 times each week.  I'm shooting for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  My professional blog is Collaborations and was dormant for much of 2012.  My goal is to have a new post on Thursday of each week.  You can be part of my success in this endeavor; your comments on the blog site reminds me that other people are reading them which motivates me to carry on.
4. Schedule times of rest.  Most workers look forward to the weekend.  It's a couple of days to rest and revive their energy for the challenges that lie in the week ahead.  Since I'm piecing together several part-time jobs to make a living, my schedule rarely works out where I have entire days without any work.  I'm sensing the beginnings of burn-out and fatigue in my personal life and feel directed by God to correct the constant work-mode that I have maintained in the past year. Since taking a "Sabbath" day is not possible at this time, my goal is to allow myself to divide the "Sabbath" up throughout the week, finding chunks of time during the week that I can block out for rest and relaxation.  Since school hasn't started, finding these days of rest has been easy so far.  (I'm actually enjoying one today!)  Once the semester kicks off next year, I'll be looking for 8 hours (at least) each week to devote to me.  Given my mindset and work ethic, I know this will be a challenge for me.  I am committed to making it a priority, however.
5. Spiritual growth.  This will be the resolution that I will keep most private for obvious reasons. I am not satisfied with my spiritual condition and I don't think that any growing Christian should ever be satisfied! As such, there are several things that God has placed on my heart to develop me into the man He has designed me to be. I'll be pursuing these quietly behind the scenes and I pray that they will display themselves in my life so others can see the light and love of my Savior.  I would appreciate your prayers throughout the year as I pursue a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father in the coming year.

That is what's motivating me as I step into the early days of 2013.  Now it's time to get going and see how I can make these resolutions reality!

Father Figures

I've been thinking about the concept of fathers this week. No need to worry....I don't have an announcement to make! As I have looked at our society, I see how important the role is. Is it feasible that some of the problems people face today is because they lacked a strong father figure in their own life? As I thought about the spiritual implications, it seems that our relationship with the Heavenly Father often reflects our interaction with our natural father. That puts a lot of responsibility on any man who plans to be called "father."

What are the responsibilities of a father? I'm not a father, so obviously I'm coming at this from the perspective of a child only. Here are some of the things that have been in my thoughts this week.

• Example and Teacher. A father models many roles that will play out in their children's future life. Want to have a good guess about the type of man a girl will be drawn to and consider marrying? Look at her father.  How will a boy treat his future wife? He'll tend to follow the example of his father's interaction with his mother. Fathers also teach children the value of hard work and strength tempered with gentleness.
• Protector. A child's sense of safety is often linked to the presence of Dad. A father is to protect his children from all threats -- whether they are real or imagined. A father who fails to protect his children through neglect or abuse is setting them up for difficulties in trusting others and believing that they are worthy of being safe. (As a side note, I personally feel that there are few crimes that are more heinous than abuse against a child in any form --- physical, emotional, or verbal. I believe these men are among the vilest creatures who deserve the maximum punishment allowed by our courts!)
• Affirming. Sadly, it seems that this responsibility is often left solely to the mother. Moms naturally provide encouragement to their children as they rejoice over their successes and help them get up after failures. Children desperately want to hear from their father that he's proud of them. This means that the father must be attentive to the child's interest and be informed about how things work.  In other words, if your daughter is taking ballet lessons, it will go a long way if Dad knows the difference between a pirouette and a tutu!  
• Involved. "Actions speak louder than words." While your child longs to hear that you are proud of them, she also wants to spend time with you. This can be intimidating for a father who doesn't share common interest with the child.....and as the years go on, the chasm becomes wider. From a child's perspective, it's actually pretty simple. Take your elementary student outside on a Saturday morning and build something together or wash the car. Unexpectedly have a special treat for your pre-teen when dropping them off for school. Plop down on the couch with your teen and challenge them to a video game. Your involvement opens lines of communication that will be a blessing to the child in years to come.

What happens if a child misses out on these aspects of their father? There are no absolute guarantees, but I do see some potential problems spiritually. Children with absent dads (either physically or emotionally) can experience difficulty relating to God the Father. Those who have received little affirmation from Dad sometimes find themselves working so hard to gain God's approval. When the natural father didn't care enough to be involved in the child's life, it can be hard to believe that God would ever be interested in what's going on with me. 

What do you think are some of the most important characteristics of a father? If they are absent in a child's life, what might be some of the future implications emotionally or spiritually? Men, is there a child in your sphere of influence who needs a father figure in their life?  If so, consider stepping up and being a positive influence in their life!

How Can I Help?

Sometimes the simplest words convey the greatest meaning. On a particularly bad evening recently, a beloved friend asked the simple question "How can I help?" She is thousands of miles away. My problem doesn't directly effect her. Without even knowing what was going on, her immediate response was offering assistance. Four simple words turned my entire night around and allowed me to see that I wasn't in this alone.

I wonder how many stressful situations could be lightened for many people by just hearing this simple question. Of course, there is an additional requirement; when the way you can help is made clear, follow through if it is within your capabilities. I have no doubt that Andrea would have done anything within her power to help me; she's an amazing friend who has proven her commitment to me over and over.

I have stopped asking for help in many situations. Some people assume it's because I don't want help. Let me clearly put that theory to rest:  I want help.....I need help.....or else I wouldn't be asking. Why don't I ask then? Honestly, I get tired of being rejected. There's only so many times I can take asking for help and being told "no." I understand that we all have times in our life when things do not allow us to provide assistance to a friend. I also understand that these situations are generally the exception and not the rule. When you consistently tell me "no", I am hearing some unspoken messages:

• I don't value you PERSONALLY worthy of the investment of my time.
• I don't value your EFFORTS worthy of the investment of my time.
• I can't be BOTHERED by your petty requests.

Sometimes when help is offered off the cuff, there is really nothing to be done because I've already handled it. That doesn't mean I don't want to be helped. Truthfully, I didn't expect any help.....so I just did what had to be done to get the job done. If I didn't do the work, I'd find myself frantically pushing at the last minute to make sure it got done.

Why is it so hard for me to accept help? I've been let down too many times. When you've been burned, disappointed, and rejected so much, it really becomes hard to trust.

For better or worse, whether you like the feelings and thoughts I've expressed here.....it's where I am at the moment and it's just me Livin' Life one day at a time.

Happy New Year!

2013 has arrived. As usual, the whole clan gathered at my parents' home for food and fellowship. We decided to stick with the tradition we began a few years ago of departing from tradition for the lunch menu.  Today's lunch featured garlic crusted chicken, potato salad, slaw, English peas and fettuccine Alfredo.

There were a few things that were a bit different from normal. I wasn't found in the kitchen very much today as I am still recovering from my run in with Dad's desk chair last week. The swelling has gone down a lot and the bruising is looking much better, but I still can't put much pressure on my left foot. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning to just make sure everything is healing as it should. (I had planned to see the doctor on Thursday of last week, but the office was closed for the week.  When I called on Monday morning, I was told I could either come in first thing on Wednesday or be worked into their busy appointment schedule. Since I wasn't in a ton of pain, I opted for a Wednesday appointment!)

What's ahead in 2013? Your guess is as good as mine! In keeping with my approach for the last few years, I'm using the entire week to formulate my resolutions. I like to have time to think and pray about them while making sure that the goals are realistic while not being too easy. I'm sure there will be something related to weight loss and another thing related to reading.  The thing that is really on my mind at the moment is coming up with a plan for regular times of rest. Since I'm not working a traditional job, I don't always get days off that are strictly for me. Most of the time, I have to leave home in order to get away from all the responsibilities. That's unhealthy and something that I have been convicted over personally. I've got to do something or I'm going to suffer incredible burnout soon. I don't know what the solution is -- and I know it's not going to be easy to work out -- but it's something that I am committing to do in 2013.  I'll be better for it if I do.

Priority Check!

It's hard to believe that another year has come to an end. If you are like me, you've probably spent some time reflecting on 2012 and its successes and failures. Like wide-eyed children, we look forward to 2013. It is a blank slate; the coming year is filled with hope and possibility! I suppose that is why many people make New Year's Resolutions.

For most of my life, I never participated in this cultural ritual. Honestly, I didn't want to make a pledge at the beginning of the year that I was certain I would never be able to obtain. Several years ago, a friend suggested that my approach to resolutions was all wrong. Rather than seeing them as promises to myself that I would certainly break, he told me to look at them more as annual goals. What would I like to see myself accomplish in the coming year? Since they are targets, any movement towards achieving them is a step in the right direction. Even if I lose my way in March or April, a quick review of my resolutions in this new mindset gets me back on the path toward my goal.

For me, the resolutions that I make are a reflection of the things that are most important to me....those things that currently hold the top place for me as well as I what I aim to make a priority in the coming year. A helpful tool in determining your current priorities is by considering what you have said "yes" to this year. Regularly submitting job applications means that making a career change is a high priority for you. Agreeing to babysit your grandchildren as often as possible shows that building a relationship with the youngest members of your family is high on your list.

It is not only important to look at the "yes" answers in your life. Examining what you have said "no" to can be just as insightful. I may say that becoming a better musician is very important to me, but if I regularly neglect practicing my instrument then my words are simply hot air. All the good intentions in the world to lose weight are worthless without making changes to my diet and exercise routine. No matter how much I may WANT these things to be priorities, my actions define what I truly value.

Dare I say it? Does this same concept apply to our spiritual lives as well? As a Christian, I say that I want to be a servant who shows the love of Christ to others in both word and deed. Do my actions support the words claiming this is a top priority? Thankfully, only two beings truly know the answer to that question:  God and me. No one else is able to judge the condition of my heart. However, Paul does invite us to "examine ourselves" on a regular basis. Now it's time to be honest with myself and take a hard look at my actions.

Each of us know the areas that are most difficult for you. See if any of these scenarios sound familiar? They may bring to mind some other items you need to consider.

• I say that I love God and want to worship Him with all that I have. Do I allow any excuse that presents itself to keep me away though? I'm too tired.....it's so far out of the way.....the children......the parents......I'm just not interested.  
• I don't study the Word because I don't understand.....I'll just wait and let the teacher explain it.  After all, God understands! 
• I don't talk to my colleagues about God because I don't want to offend them...after all, I can't push them away since I have to work with them.  
• Don't ask me to work with senior adults (insert "children or teens or adults" at will) because they annoy me. I don't have to like everybody, I just have to be kind to them. [Does that really sound like a CHRISTian response to you?]

Before anyone gets offended and thinks that I am speaking directly to them or their situation, please know that this mirror is pointing back directly at me. Are my words that describe my "priorities" matched and supported by my actions? If not, I'm not fooling God. If we're honest with ourselves, we're probably not being fooled either. Time for a priority check! I want to make sure that everything is in its proper order as I enter the New Year.

Hidden Treasures

My mother's kitchen has always been a place of laughter and joy. It is also a place of learning. On Christmas Eve, Mom and I were doing quite a bit of baking together. Two important ingredients throughout the day were sugar and flour. The sugar is stored in a plastic canister that lives on the top shelf of the cabinet. Flour, on the other hand, is found in various sacks piled on top of a potato bin that sits near the entry to the room. (Lest you get the wrong impression, the potato bin is full.....of pots and pans!  The potatoes are kept in their plastic bag next to the cabinet that stores the sugar.)

While grabbing the sugar, I spied a companion canister and asked Mom why she didn't keep her flour in it so she could clear up some of the clutter in the kitchen. Her response was not what I expected at all. I thought it was because she needed to distinguish between self-rising flour and all-purpose. Her reason was that the canister was probably dirty! Such a simple solution, I thought.  I immediately went to my room to grab the labeling machine so we could establish which flour was in the container. Mom was further surprised when she opened the container and found that the ENTIRE SET (minus the one she was using for the sugar) was inside!

I was a good son (in that moment, at least) and didn't comment on the situation. Inside, however, I was wondering how long the canisters had been hidden away and not doing what they were designed to do. To me, that was such a tragedy.....and explained so much. Mom comments regularly on how little room she has in the kitchen and how she hates that everything is piled around. All the while, she has at least two sets of canisters that are normally empty and not doing their job. (Earlier this year, I did convince her to stash the coffee K-cups in one of the larger containers. I'll take one small victory at a time.)

Since that day of holiday baking, I have found myself returning to those empty canisters. I find myself wondering if there are canisters in my own life that I have not unpacked. Are their skills, dreams, and abilities that I am allowing to waste away in disuse? Have I forgotten that they are there or am I neglecting them because I fear the implications that unpacking them would bring? You see, if Mom were to begin to use all of her canisters as they are intended, it would require some cleaning and changing to occur. She would have to create a new arrangement for things in the kitchen. Some things may have to be combined while other things may need to be tossed out.

The same can be said of my life. Once I begin to unpack the forgotten "canisters", it will require cleaning up the disorganization and admitting to myself, others, and my God that I didn't really have it all together. While the process can be painful, frustrating, and embarrassing, the final result enables me to be more productive and successful while bringing honor to the Kingdom. Lord, remind me of the treasures you have given me that I have packed away and allowed to lie dormant in my heart. Give me the courage to unpack them today and allow them to be put to use in the coming year.

Mom's plastic canister set is still packaged up and holds a quiet place on the back shelf of the cabinet. I'll just quietly keep my eyes open to see when they will be freed up to do what they were meant to do and see the impact it will make.

Disappointment

The last week in December is naturally a time to reflect on the year that is coming to a close. We like to recall the successes we have experienced. We revel in the joy and laughter. Sadly, we must also face our disappointments.

Disappointment is certain to come into every life. The reasons can be numerous. I have experienced disappointment this year because of my own personal failures. Goals I set for myself were unmet. Positive changes I hoped to make were left behind on the planning table. Good intentions fell prey to lacking motivation.

I have also been disappointed in other people. Some have made commitments that were not fulfilled. I have been betrayed by others who I have invested in extensively and trusted completely. Still others made poor decisions (in my opinion) contrary to my "sage" advice.

Unfulfilled dreams have been yet another source of disappointment in 2012. I still search for a full-time job in my industry. Hopes to reconnect with friends and to see the world have not come true. Visions of personal enjoyment and fulfillment danced in my head but never became a reality.

If we are not careful, we can easily become depressed and frustrated as we face our disappointments. Disappointment is an emotion, but it does not define me. Despite all the things I had hoped would come to me in 2012, I stand in the confidence that my true identity is found in God alone. My momentary disappointments will ultimately result in something good for me since my Father declares that He "knows the plans [He] has for me." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I choose to keep dreaming, trusting, and hoping. Not all of my dreams will come true. People will let me down and some of my hopes will fall in the dust. Still I have hope that some of my dreams are birthed in me by God Himself. I trust that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." (Philippians 1:6) I choose to simply be who God created to be.....a man who dreams big!

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