Christmas Memories

As Christmas draws closer, I find myself reflecting on past holiday seasons. Memories are shaped by emotions….some good, others bad. Regardless of the emotional memory, each experience reminds me of the beautiful truth of Christmas.

Christmas is first and foremost a time of joy. As a child, each Christmas found my family spending time with our extended family. For many years, this included a trip to the Houston area to be with my mom's sister. The trailer was packed with bodies, but it was filled with laughter. I have such fond memories of the aroma of sweet concoctions that filled the bar -- red velvet cake, fudge, peanut brittle -- and the trips to the bowling alley. Santa visited and brought gifts. (I nearly ripped my dad's arm out of socket one year as he threatened to "shoot" the departing Santa because Dad didn't receive any gifts!) On one of these Christmas trips, I was unbeatable at the new game I received, Battleship. For a large part of the trip, no one could figure out how I was winning the game every time so decisively…..until they figured out that I was a cheater, checking out the location of their ships in the mirrors on the ceiling! (How I miss the decor of the 1980s.) The laughter that filled the air then continues to warm my heart now.

Christmas is also a time of knowing that you are special to people near and far. Each year, Christmas cards and gifts poured into our home from people around the country that my family knew and loved. The cards gradually made their way to the large doorway separating the living room from the dining room. I loved watching the cards coming in the mail and seeing the card collection grow. It felt as though we were literally surrounded by the love of friends.

Sometimes gifts would also arrive in the mail. I have received wonderful gifts throughout my life, but a few of them stick out in my memory more than others. My brother joined the US Air Force when I was 5 years old. I knew who he was and what he looked like, but I really didn't KNOW him. While stationed in Germany one year (I was probably in 5th grade), he sent a Christmas package that included a gift for me. Mom put the package under the tree and I could hardly wait! I knew O'Neal was my brother, but the gift signified to my young mind that even though he wasn't nearby…..he was thinking of ME!

When Christmas Eve rolled around, I think Mom and Dad had heard enough and finally decided to let me open one gift. There was no question which one I was going for either. As I opened the package from my brother in a land far away, I found the neatest watch I had ever seen! It was a black digital watch made of plastic. What intrigued me most were the buttons just below the face; when I began to punch the buttons, I entered the game mode of the watch! The gift probably wasn't that expensive….and it didn't matter. What mattered most to me was that my brother loved me enough to think about what his little brother would enjoy. That watch rarely left my arm and connected me to O'Neal every time I wore it.

Sadly, Christmas can sometimes bring feelings of insignificance as well. At some point in my childhood, the trips to Texas ceased and we began to spend Christmas with my Dad's mother, better known as Big Mother. Dad's mom was a wonderful Christian woman throughout her life; she was not perfect though. As a grandchild visiting her house, we were always welcomed. However, it was always clear that I was not one of the favorite grandchildren. As I watched her explosions of joy over the appearance of the "golden children" on Christmas Day, I began to question why I didn't elicit the same response. I became jealous of my older siblings who had experienced a glowing relationship with my maternal grandmother; Ma-maw passed away just before my fifth birthday. Trips to Big Mother's filled Christmas Days throughout much of my elementary and middle school years. I hated the journey and only wanted to go back home. I didn't know at the time that what I was dealing with were feelings of inferiority and insignificance. Since I didn't matter to her, why should I be here? It was a horrible feeling.

As you celebrate the birth of the Christ child this Christmas, I hope that you experience the joy that His advent brought to the world and that you realize that God sent His son into the world because He was thinking about you! No matter how difficult your circumstances right now, no matter how far away the Father may seem from you, no matter how alone and insignificant you may feel, God is thinking of you with a heart full of love and offers you gifts of hope, peace, joy, and love this holiday season in the perfect package of His Son, Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas!
Kennith