Offended....Without Reason!

When was the last time that you were truly upset with someone?  For whatever reason, they had hurt your feelings and you were deeply offended.  Now, when was the last time you had became offended without anyone saying a word?  Sadly, I must admit that the latter statement would be a fairly accurate depiction of much of my day today.

I had a day off from teaching, so I decided to hang around the house and get some things done so I could have some free time tomorrow.  Of course, I wanted free time today too and became upset with other people.  If THEY would bother to do some more of this stuff, I wouldn't have to work so hard.  I decided I was going to show THEM and just take a break.  So I headed to the donut shop -- a sure fix for whatever ails you -- and became irritated with the people gathered there.  What were they doing?  They were laughing and talking FAR TOO LOUDLY!  How dare they enjoy the donut shop?  I was there to get a box of donuts and did not want to be disturbed!

Once I finally get home, I begin to think about people who haven't said anything to me in months -- in some cases, years -- and how completely rude they were in their THOUGHTS of what I should or should not do.  Finally, a light bulb went off in my brain and I realized how utterly STUPID I was being about all of this.  No one had done anything wrong to me today.  I went to a favorite chair alone and, after repenting for my bad attitude today, began to ponder what had brought on this horrible scenario.  I finally came to a conclusion that I would like to share with you.

First things first -- offenses will happen!  Having your feelings hurt is just part of life and will happen to all of us.  While I can't control that, I CAN control my response to the hurt.  There was something else at play today, though.  I was upset with people who were not present and who had done nothing to me.  This is not the first time this has happened, so I began to think back to the other times as well and discovered a common denominator -- tiredness.  When I get extremely tired, my tolerance for other people is very low and it is easy for me to have my feelings hurt.  This reminded me of a principle I have struggled with all my life: the principle of Sabbath.

In the book of Exodus, God set up the Sabbath as a day of rest and worship for His people.  God recognizes the importance of rest in the lives of His creation.  Why do you think God rested on the seventh day of creation?  He was modeling for us the importance of resting from our labor.  Intellectually, I know this. The problem is in the application.

Because of my chosen profession, I have constantly fought an internal battle about appearing busy.  I have been told by various people throughout my life that I don't get a "real" job because I'm lazy and want to have an easy life.  These individuals know very little about what I actually do as a musician and have no concept of the hours of work -- physically, emotionally, and mentally -- that are required at this level of my profession.  In an effort to make sure everyone realizes how hard I work, I work myself past the point of productivity.  Often, I will go for months at a time without truly taking a day of rest from my work.  Normally, the only way I am able to make myself rest is by leaving town.  It's not because my employers don't allow me to have days off;  it's because I don't allow myself the luxury of a day of rest.

So what am I going to do with this new insight I have gained today?  I'm going to strive to take days of rest away from the stresses of work, music, and relationships.  I love what I do and the people I know, but I need to have time for me to maintain a healthy balance.  Because of the many part-time jobs I hold, my day of rest may be more irregular than others.  People may think that I am being lazy.  While that is tough for me to deal with, I know the work that I am doing and how my body is responding at that moment.  So, no more worries about what other people think.......I'm taking the day off.