Searching for Home

It's hard to believe that I have been searching for a church home for nearly a year. It's not a situation I am used to. Over the first 40 years of my life, I've been established in 4 churches -- 2 of these while attending college. I never imagined it would be so difficult to find a body of believers to worship with.

Last summer, I left the church I had been involved with for nearly 14 years. Even though time has passed and many wounds have been healed, I know that my departure was the right decision. In the interim, I have visited many churches in the area. I have found two congregations that I like a lot. So what's the problem?

The first church was the one I attended right after leaving my ministry post. The ministers and congregation spoke words of healing to my spirit during a very difficult time. I don't feel as though I fit in though. The church has two services. The early service lines up with my preferred style of worship; the second is attended by those that are my age and younger.

The second church is a large congregation with excellent preaching and extremely friendly people. I had anticipated this being the place that I would settle down and call home. However, because of its size and my general shyness, I have struggled to find my niche. It's just not easy to walk into an established group and become involved without some sort of invitation. It feels as though I've gotten lost in the shuffle.

I'll be the first to admit that I have been part of the problem as well. There is a hesitancy to become involved in a church again because I fear being taken advantage of. I've also struggled with health issues for several months, making my attendance sparse at best. Plus there's the fear of being perceived as a threat to others already laboring there. I've lived through that nightmare too many times already and don't want to face that world of hurt again.

So I find myself continuing to search. It's not been an easy process thus far, but I know it is an important decision. Settling for the easy, convenient solution is simply not acceptable. So I continue my quest for my new church home.