Cleaning Out the Clutter

I suppose it's time to confess.....I hate cleaning! I don't like to live in filth either, but I cannot stand cleaning. Although my disorganization takes over in places like my bedroom, my lack of cleaning is most evident in my car -- also known as my office on wheels.

Since I spend so much time in my car you would think I would be more determined to keep it clean. The issue is not dealing with the trash....I don't mind picking up the mess and throwing stuff away. The problem is all of the other stuff:  books, musical scores, CDs, and sundry other things that are important. Once I clean them out of my car, I have to figure out WHERE IN THE WORLD to put them in my parents' house. Inevitably, I add these items to a growing stack already in the house and have to call that organization. (Contrary to popular opinion, I can generally find whatever I need in these stacks as long as no one decides to begin moving things around in an effort to helpfully "clean up!" I still have nightmares over such a "helpful hand" while writing my dissertation....I'm still trying to get over the stress that was created by lumping all of my papers into a single stack!)

My family is going on vacation in a few days and my car will be making the trip. Since my parents will both be in the car for an extended period of time with me, I knew that some housekeeping was necessary -- for their sakes as well as mine! Imagine my surprise when I looked under the passenger's seat and discovered three books that had been wedged underneath for several months. Now I know why I could never manage to find a clean Tupperware cup in the kitchen too....they were all in my car! The mess really wasn't that bad (I was shocked!) and I didn't have to figure out where too many things were going to reside. But it got me to thinking......how often do we avoid cleaning out the clutter of our lives because we don't want to deal with the mess that will be uncovered?

I've been doing a lot of emotional unpacking lately. I've been taking the time to deal with issues related to anger, hurt feelings, and sadness by "pulling out the junk" and daring to look at the root. It's not been a fun process and it's not been pretty. I've discovered some things that I didn't even realize I was harboring. Honestly, it's been rather painful. I've had to come face to face with betrayal, disappointment, and pain that I had pushed into the deepest corners of my being. Why push all of these emotions down so deep? I didn't know where to put the feelings without creating a visible mess in my life. Just as I don't want to deal with figuring out where to put the stuff that emerges from my car when I clean it out, I didn't want to have to address things in my life that I didn't have a clear shelf to put them on. When I finally realized that these stuffed emotions were beginning to push other good things out of my life, I knew it was time to clean house.

I can't tackle everything in a single sweep and expect to succeed. The cleaning is a slow process and it takes a lot of work. So I'm allowing myself to dive into one corner at a time, look at the trash, throw out what's unneeded, and store what I may need in the future. Then I rest and reflect on the progress I made in that area before moving to the next. Somehow I don't think the emotional cleaning process ever actually comes to an end, but it gets easier once I begin to maintain areas that have already been cleared of debris. Thankfully, I'm not doing this alone. My loving Heavenly Father enters the darkest corners with me, sits with me through the tears of frustration, shame, and anger, and then helps me find restoration and peace in life as I clear out the clutter that has accumulated.